tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post3871782615459928203..comments2024-03-27T03:25:08.267-07:00Comments on Life in the Shoe: Ice. And Men Who Aren't Nice.Dorcashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-9279954603464644282017-01-08T07:24:14.081-08:002017-01-08T07:24:14.081-08:00Very interesting to read your thoughts. This is so...Very interesting to read your thoughts. This is something I've mulled over much since my recent experience. From my culture or otherwise. My daddy and uncles and brothers allowed me to grow up in an atmosphere of love and security and protection while at the same time allowing me to confidently try my wings. I thought this was the norm. Only as I grow older I realize it's not that way everywhere. And I am so sorry if any of you have been betrayed by the men in your life. <a href="http://www.dealsbrick.com/index.php/footwear.html" rel="nofollow">buy shoes online</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-19885635715042693662017-01-06T18:20:12.441-08:002017-01-06T18:20:12.441-08:00When you are talking about strangers, the only soc...When you are talking about strangers, the only social cues they really have to go by, if no conversation has occurred and no introduction has been made, is appearance. Nonverbal communication (which appearance is a big part of) is more heavily relied on than we might realize. Everyone is always trying to make sense of the world, of the people they meet, and of each situation. Nonverbal cues like appearance are one way we all do this. That is why it is important to consider things like the way we dress. But, like you pointed out, that is not THE reason to dress modestly; I agree completely with your reasoning on that topic. I just think it is something we should consider. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-28731972467355618172016-12-29T17:23:27.452-08:002016-12-29T17:23:27.452-08:00Thanks for sharing your experiences. And good for...Thanks for sharing your experiences. And good for you for figuring out what works in the culture you find yourself in. Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-89855247173359444212016-12-29T17:21:51.842-08:002016-12-29T17:21:51.842-08:00Gwendolyn, that is AWFUL about your horrible and s...Gwendolyn, that is AWFUL about your horrible and scary encounter. Good for you for being a mother bear and protecting your babies. I agree that "cruelty comes with godlessness."Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-89181758445625177312016-12-29T17:18:21.113-08:002016-12-29T17:18:21.113-08:00I totally agree that we communicate a lot more tha...I totally agree that we communicate a lot more than we intend to, and what's in our hearts can supersede what we try to say with clothes.Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-53994063000194372132016-12-29T17:14:59.221-08:002016-12-29T17:14:59.221-08:00Lisa--I'm honored that my post inspired yours,...Lisa--I'm honored that my post inspired yours, and I like how you said a few things that I didn't have the nerve to.<br />Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-51703687744472930212016-12-27T13:37:59.000-08:002016-12-27T13:37:59.000-08:00Dorcas...this post inspired MY post. Here is the ...Dorcas...this post inspired MY post. Here is the link:http://mlraminiakcomingtoterms.blogspot.com/2016/12/opinions-3-victim-blaming.html If you're uncomfortable with it, just delete it. Lisa :-]https://www.blogger.com/profile/02237889098638895390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-45705376535205572522016-12-25T08:48:34.748-08:002016-12-25T08:48:34.748-08:00I wondered if I'd have to take that last comme...I wondered if I'd have to take that last comment back. I like strangers and talking to them and I also knew that if I was bothered by one it would easily go forgotten. Sure enough I did remember a small disrespectful unnecessary incident, one I didn't understand completely at first.Rose Maryhttp://rosemarynisly.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-86616357975170924242016-12-23T09:42:02.867-08:002016-12-23T09:42:02.867-08:00I have one more thing to add......aura, unseen mes...I have one more thing to add......aura, unseen messages have a lot of power!! I am thinking now of a woman and her daughters who hold modest dress in very high regard. Yet somehow, a inner modesty is a few steps behind.....body language, refinement, discretion and self control with relating to men and boys would do well to catch up. Here's what I find interesting: I observed even Christian men treating them with a discernibly lower level of respect. I am sure they don't realize it. I was irritated when I confronted my husband about how he related to them - if I acted the way THEY did, I would get an immediate negative reaction from him! How can they just get away with it?! Later I realized that he doesn't expect any more from them than that but he certainly knows I know how to behave better than that. Ladies, in the long run, you WILL be respected for acting and dressing as a lady! And you begin to see yourself more cheaply if you lower your self to seek out make attention. <br /><br />Thank you for this article!Anonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10789226794533088840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-13258911327493936472016-12-22T23:14:12.635-08:002016-12-22T23:14:12.635-08:00I find this SO interesting.
And Amen on the bizarr...I find this SO interesting.<br />And Amen on the bizarre/unrealistic messages in movies.Dorcashttp://www.dorcassmucker.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-68893721179890938732016-12-22T18:24:51.555-08:002016-12-22T18:24:51.555-08:00I am a woman who dresses conservatively. I always ...I am a woman who dresses conservatively. I always wear skirts and dresses that are below the knee and I wear a prayer veiling. I have experienced 3 rather unpleasant incidents. While I do believe that it is important to dress modestly, sometimes people are bent on acting terribly no matter how a woman is dressed. Sometimes dressing conservatively actually makes you a target. There are not many women in my area who dress as I do. In the end, I believe that the way a culture treats women shows something about either how godly the culture is, or how godless the culture is. Cruelty comes with godlessness just as gentleness and self-control are part of the fruit of the Spirit. Jesus tells us to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. After the last incident, where I truly feared for my safety and the safety of my children who were with me, I decided that carrying maise spray was a good idea. I have nonresistant, but that doesn't mean that I am going to just roll over and die. I had responded while praying very much with kind but firm words. And still that man became utterly irate and was on the brink of violence. I rushed into my vehicle with my children and locked the doors. Thank God for His protection!!!!! <br /> So, while modest dress is important for both men and women who are followers of Christ, wisdom is also very important! We must spend time daily in prayer and Bible reading!!!!! We must be able to hear the voice of the Good Shepherd!!!!!! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04037533766030120743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-9540400637265211442016-12-22T17:04:43.326-08:002016-12-22T17:04:43.326-08:00Oh. One other thing. I can't remember ever ha...Oh. One other thing. I can't remember ever having been bothered by a stranger. Rose Maryhttp://rosemarynisly.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-52957225219645200582016-12-22T17:02:08.543-08:002016-12-22T17:02:08.543-08:00It's not scary. It's challenging. To fig...It's not scary. It's challenging. To figure out how to present oneself in a new context. I still do not blend well in many circumstances.<br /><br />My worst experience was wearing a form of a headcovering and a long black skirt. I am glad I was protected. This was at a three month long job I had that I desperately needed. My clothes made it worse, but at the time I was scared and I felt like I needed the protection of the covering more than ever. Later I would recognize my whole demeanor plus my clothes were reminding him of Indian women who submit. I had always been around safe men with power before, as with regards to sexuality, but now was with men who used that power negatively.<br /><br />On another subject, I think movies are one of the worst influences in how men treat women. I don't mean all movies. I think there's a lot of protection in having experiences with men and women be real to life. You scare a girl and she doesn't fall in love with you, she runs the other way. I agree with what one of the men said on your Facebook page, raise a rumpus when nastiness happens so it's not a fun experience.Rose Maryhttp://rosemarynisly.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-1370308160286532062016-12-22T11:20:32.365-08:002016-12-22T11:20:32.365-08:00First of all, coming from a home where I have not ...First of all, coming from a home where I have not been safe emotionally in my dad's presence, the statement you made about all women in all circumstances being safe around the men in your family is beautiful. I have had seasons in my life when I've been with men like that, and I've never felt more truly like a woman than during those times.<br /><br />I don't feel that I can add anything new to the discussion here, just some of my own experiences.<br /><br />I lived and worked in a developing country where establishing a relationship with a "white" woman was the culmination of many men's dreams. You can imagine the attention given to me, a young, single, white woman. I am from a conservative Mennonite church, and had no idea how to respond to these advances from sometimes quite goodlooking men. The first several months I gave them the "don't touch, I'm independent" treatment. Then the mother of one of those men told me that if the men view me as an object difficult to attain, they will only try harder to get me. I started letting men open doors, taking their hand when offered (think difficult steps), and politely declining marriage proposals instead of stonily turning my back. And I felt the power of being a woman who accepts her vulnerability but doesn't live in fear because of it. I discovered that, for the most part, I received respect where vulgarity had been shown.<br /><br />Coming back to America, I attended a secular college where I made many friends. I walked the halls with girlfriends who had little bits of skin covered here and there, and who turned to me and asked "why did he do that?" when a guy would whistle at or pinch or nudge them. I was in study groups with young men who swore at every interval, apologizing every time when I was within sight or hearing. <br /><br />In short, I think modest dress makes a difference in the way men treat us. I was never harassed at college, even when walking beside immodestly dressed girls who were.<br />Our attitude makes a difference as well. Snub a man and he will see you as an object, maybe to pursue in order to get to know you as a person, maybe to take advantage of. Respond as a woman truly in touch with who she is, a daughter of the King, and men will, for the most part, see and treat you as such.<br /><br />On the other hand, I agree with you, Dorcas, that a man bent on sinning will sin no matter what. May the women who have been hurt find people who listen and care and leave the judging to God Who will bring justice. <br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-23471506048915602292016-12-21T20:08:32.070-08:002016-12-21T20:08:32.070-08:00Thanks for your wise insights!Thanks for your wise insights!Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-27646616431189347612016-12-21T20:08:16.115-08:002016-12-21T20:08:16.115-08:00Rose Mary, I'm glad you shared this because it...Rose Mary, I'm glad you shared this because it's the voice of experience from both cultures. That experience of blending in and NOT being "other"....I would think it's unnerving and scary in many ways.Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-61843358483326280452016-12-21T20:05:54.975-08:002016-12-21T20:05:54.975-08:00Thanks for commenting.Thanks for commenting.Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-37640763023988463452016-12-21T20:05:31.293-08:002016-12-21T20:05:31.293-08:00This is an important concept. I've seen women...This is an important concept. I've seen women emotionally beaten down in the name of submission, and it makes them vulnerable to manipulation and being preyed on. That's not how Jesus treated women.Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-16526800447290309872016-12-21T20:04:06.747-08:002016-12-21T20:04:06.747-08:00You're right that our clothes send a message, ...You're right that our clothes send a message, whether we intend it or not.Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-10179067365640130222016-12-21T20:01:53.577-08:002016-12-21T20:01:53.577-08:00Thanks!Thanks!Dorcashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07050605764466835485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-90648305796477780512016-12-21T10:25:59.291-08:002016-12-21T10:25:59.291-08:00Your pictures are beautiful, especially the one wi...Your pictures are beautiful, especially the one with the silver arch framing the barn. Obviously, they depict the winter season. As you know, just as there are physical seasons, so there are seasons of life. Wouldn't it be frightening if the seasons got mixed up? What season of life you are in determines, to a degree, how you will be treated. Wear an appropriate hat for each season! MLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-64770491628274859152016-12-21T08:09:02.897-08:002016-12-21T08:09:02.897-08:00Oh and wearing dresses at work when you're not...Oh and wearing dresses at work when you're not Mennonite (depends on work) in my experience makes things worse cuz it looks cutesy and feminine as opposed to "I'm here to work, don't mess with me."Rose Maryhttp://rosemarynisly.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-36940800716158340902016-12-21T07:14:14.766-08:002016-12-21T07:14:14.766-08:00While I think modesty is a factor, there is anothe...While I think modesty is a factor, there is another factor as well. That is looking American. When I was Mennonite I was treated with kid gloves, now I'm treated like a "regular person". This was one of my biggest adjustments leaving the Mennonite look behind. The thing is then, once that is established, there's more of a need to verbally define oneself. One is not now "other", so one must personally show what one will put up with. I had no idea how much group identity protected and sterotyped me till I left. Then I was forced to find my own.<br /> <br />If one is in desperate need of finances, and far from home where she can ask questions about odd behavior without feeling uncomfortable, and what's happening is at work, and normalized by company culture, it takes a great deal of personal confidence to stand up to it. (Side note: I love working in startups, but in the future I will ask for references for business owners who've just started up. A business that's been running awhile has some level of respect or it wouldn't be running. If other staff are already hired, I'd ask them about working there.) The hardest stuff for me to deal with is stuff that appears "gray". "Gray" things happen much oftener because they're tolerated until someone decides its not gray anymore. And tells the boss, or leaves the company. <br /><br />Another note is that confidence builders for women who aren't Mennonite seem to be more in the self defense category. Which is completely contrary to anything we learn as Mennonite women.Rose Maryhttp://rosemarynisly.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-46593499743301310792016-12-20T17:30:32.362-08:002016-12-20T17:30:32.362-08:00Thank you for starting this conversation. I too of...Thank you for starting this conversation. I too often do not realize the power I have as a woman. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11022879.post-64210456814272174672016-12-20T15:20:12.007-08:002016-12-20T15:20:12.007-08:00You're very sweet -- thank you.You're very sweet -- thank you.Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07309695653947288904noreply@blogger.com