My brother Fred used to tell the joke about the guy who got on the bad side of the Mafia and suddenly found himself in a room with a noose hanging from the ceiling, a bottle of poison, a gun, and a tank of water. "How do you want to die?" he was asked. "Of old age," he said.
Every once in a while I spend a bit of time wondering how I'm going to die. There is no particular fear or dread in this, ("for me to live is Christ and to die is gain") although obviously I'd prefer something simple and sudden to protracted and painful.
My friend Sharon announced the other day (can't remember the context) that, "Oh, mercy sakes, no, I do NOT want to live to be a hundred!"
Well, the truth is, I'd like to live to be 103 like my Grandma Yoder, with her mind tack-sharp up to the end. (But with just a teensy bit more humility and humor, please) It would really be fun if the whole clan bowed and scraped before me like the Yoder multitudes did to Grandma.
However, I could go earlier with a bad heart (Miller genes) or (more likely) I could space out while driving and pull in front of a truck.
My sis Becky with her terrible asthma thinks she'll die like Aunt Lyddie, 87 pounds and tethered to an oxygen tank.
My latest cold is settling into my chest again and as always making my asthma go bananas until I feel like I'm turning blue, so maybe Becky and I will end up wandering the halls of the Evergreen Manor together, pulling our oxygen tanks behind us.
Actually, I'll probably go in such an utterly bizarre way that it would make a wonderful story, but I won't be here to tell it. Arrgghh.
(And in case you're superstitious, No, I have no premonitions.)
Quote of the Day:
"Any time a preacher wants to make sure he has an attentive audience, he should start preaching a series on the Song of Solomon."
--Matt, since Paul still hasn't decided where to go after The Commands of Christ
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Little Maple Leaf Stickers, eh?
Our old friend Steve Byer commented on a recent post, "Hey, Dorcas! Your book is listed on Chapters.ca! Is your publisher going to put those little maple leaf stickers on the spine for sales this side of the border? I'm guessing your book qualifies."
I don't know anything about little maple leaf stickers, but they sounded cute so I emailed Kate the PR person at Good Books and told her that if the book needs Canadian content to qualify for the stickers, it certainly has some (picking blueberries, hitting the moose, etc.)
Kate emailed back and said I need to be a Canadian author to qualify for the maple leaf stickers. Well, wouldn't you know, I am actually a Canadian citizen, since we decided to finish out our eighth year in Canada so we could go through the process, just in case we ever wanted to go back to live or work or go to school.
When I raised my right hand and affirmed loyalty to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth and her heirs and successors, I never dreamt my citizenship would come in handy in the form of little maple leaf stickers on a book jacket.
Quote of the Day:
"Mom! There's a picture over there of a lady and she's NOT MODEST!"
--Matt, 8 years old and intrigued with what's appropriate and what's not, in a loud voice in front of the secretary at the official place where we got our citizenship. I told him that even if she has a gown on like that, he shouldn't talk that way about Queen Elizabeth.
I don't know anything about little maple leaf stickers, but they sounded cute so I emailed Kate the PR person at Good Books and told her that if the book needs Canadian content to qualify for the stickers, it certainly has some (picking blueberries, hitting the moose, etc.)
Kate emailed back and said I need to be a Canadian author to qualify for the maple leaf stickers. Well, wouldn't you know, I am actually a Canadian citizen, since we decided to finish out our eighth year in Canada so we could go through the process, just in case we ever wanted to go back to live or work or go to school.
When I raised my right hand and affirmed loyalty to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth and her heirs and successors, I never dreamt my citizenship would come in handy in the form of little maple leaf stickers on a book jacket.
Quote of the Day:
"Mom! There's a picture over there of a lady and she's NOT MODEST!"
--Matt, 8 years old and intrigued with what's appropriate and what's not, in a loud voice in front of the secretary at the official place where we got our citizenship. I told him that even if she has a gown on like that, he shouldn't talk that way about Queen Elizabeth.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
This 'n' That
I have been a mom for 20 years. Some days I feel like I still don't know what I'm doing but then I think back to how I was back then with this new baby and I wish I could go back and give me some advice.
Matt: Happy birthday! I love you. I'm so glad you're my son.
* * *
My mom is 85 and still very active. Recently she was clearing some brush and scraped her leg on a stick. It got infected and she's had quite a time getting it to heal. So my brother who lives next door has been telling her to please take good care of herself. So yesterday after she did all the Saturday cleaning she went outside and got the ladder and cleaned the leaves out of the gutters along the roof.
* * *
As mentioned on Friday, Jenny is now seven. Paul's cousin Darrell's wife Simone was pregnant with her first child at the same time I was expecting Jenny. She delivered Dawnisha about six weeks after Jenny was born.*
It was a big shock to everyone to hear that Dawnisha had been born with incomplete arms. On the right, she had a short stub with three fingers (or is it two--can't remember). On the left, there's an upper arm, an elbow, and then a short section with three fingers.
She looked so tiny and fragile back then. The doctor said she would eventually do everything but throw a ball, but it was hard to imagine.
Today in church Dawnisha was sitting beside Jenny and the two of them were sharing markers and paper. At one point Dawnisha scootched off the bench and yanked a heavy hymnbook out of the rack (to put on her lap) with her left hand while clutching two fat markers and a pad of post-it notes in her right.
I have a feeling she'll be cleaning out the gutters when she's 85.
Quote of the Day:
"Did you know Sharon Coblentz sometimes drives with her feet? Felicia told me."
--Jenny
(Legal disclaimer: this is purely hearsay from my daughter whose veracity is normally reliable but who has been known to get the story wrong on occasion. Neither the subject nor other independent sources or witnesses were contacted regarding this report.)
*You can read the whole story in my new book, Ordinary Days--Family Life in a Farmhouse. Ask for it at your bookstore in June.
Matt: Happy birthday! I love you. I'm so glad you're my son.
* * *
My mom is 85 and still very active. Recently she was clearing some brush and scraped her leg on a stick. It got infected and she's had quite a time getting it to heal. So my brother who lives next door has been telling her to please take good care of herself. So yesterday after she did all the Saturday cleaning she went outside and got the ladder and cleaned the leaves out of the gutters along the roof.
* * *
As mentioned on Friday, Jenny is now seven. Paul's cousin Darrell's wife Simone was pregnant with her first child at the same time I was expecting Jenny. She delivered Dawnisha about six weeks after Jenny was born.*
It was a big shock to everyone to hear that Dawnisha had been born with incomplete arms. On the right, she had a short stub with three fingers (or is it two--can't remember). On the left, there's an upper arm, an elbow, and then a short section with three fingers.
She looked so tiny and fragile back then. The doctor said she would eventually do everything but throw a ball, but it was hard to imagine.
Today in church Dawnisha was sitting beside Jenny and the two of them were sharing markers and paper. At one point Dawnisha scootched off the bench and yanked a heavy hymnbook out of the rack (to put on her lap) with her left hand while clutching two fat markers and a pad of post-it notes in her right.
I have a feeling she'll be cleaning out the gutters when she's 85.
Quote of the Day:
"Did you know Sharon Coblentz sometimes drives with her feet? Felicia told me."
--Jenny
(Legal disclaimer: this is purely hearsay from my daughter whose veracity is normally reliable but who has been known to get the story wrong on occasion. Neither the subject nor other independent sources or witnesses were contacted regarding this report.)
*You can read the whole story in my new book, Ordinary Days--Family Life in a Farmhouse. Ask for it at your bookstore in June.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Celebration Season
Today we celebrated Jenny's birthday--she's a big girl of seven. (Can it be, it seems like yesterday, etc. etc. etc.)
From April 21 to August 10 is celebration season at our house--seven birthdays, Mother's and Father's Days, and our anniversary.
By the end of the summer I am always tired of cake and parties. But the nice thing about having three babies in June and July was that they were born in Canada and if it had been in March or October I would have had to go out to the hospital in civilization three weeks ahead of my due date to wait and hope that the labor and planes and weather would cooperate to get Paul out in time for the big event. But, as I said, they came in June and July when he wasn't in the classroom.
Steven upset the family tradition by coming with a November 6th birthdate. But that was just an arbitrary date that the social worker pulled out of the air, since no one had any record of his birth. I have a feeling he was actually born between April and July like the rest of us, since he is such a Smucker in almost every other respect.
Quote of the Day:
"Why do we have to leave at the crack of dawn?"
--Emily, when we were getting ready to leave for the zoo at 10 a.m. last Saturday
From April 21 to August 10 is celebration season at our house--seven birthdays, Mother's and Father's Days, and our anniversary.
By the end of the summer I am always tired of cake and parties. But the nice thing about having three babies in June and July was that they were born in Canada and if it had been in March or October I would have had to go out to the hospital in civilization three weeks ahead of my due date to wait and hope that the labor and planes and weather would cooperate to get Paul out in time for the big event. But, as I said, they came in June and July when he wasn't in the classroom.
Steven upset the family tradition by coming with a November 6th birthdate. But that was just an arbitrary date that the social worker pulled out of the air, since no one had any record of his birth. I have a feeling he was actually born between April and July like the rest of us, since he is such a Smucker in almost every other respect.
Quote of the Day:
"Why do we have to leave at the crack of dawn?"
--Emily, when we were getting ready to leave for the zoo at 10 a.m. last Saturday
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Food
I just got home from another grocery-shopping expedition. Spent lots of money. Filled the car with bags and jugs and boxes. (Best bargain: Life cereal at Grocery Outlet for 99 cents a box. I bought 14 boxes.)
And next week I'll have to do it all over again. (Well, maybe the Life will last two weeks.) And in the meanwhile somebody is sure to whine that there's nothing in the house to eat.
I figured out today that our family eats probably 112,000 calories a week. No wonder I'm always scrambling to keep food on hand.
Quote of the Day:
Steven: (eating a bite of bacon) Hmmm!
Me: What?
Steven: The part that I tasted, tasted like termites!
Me: Really??
Steven: Yes. It's good!
Emily: Did you ever think you'd have a child tell you your food tastes like bugs and you'd take it as a compliment?
And next week I'll have to do it all over again. (Well, maybe the Life will last two weeks.) And in the meanwhile somebody is sure to whine that there's nothing in the house to eat.
I figured out today that our family eats probably 112,000 calories a week. No wonder I'm always scrambling to keep food on hand.
Quote of the Day:
Steven: (eating a bite of bacon) Hmmm!
Me: What?
Steven: The part that I tasted, tasted like termites!
Me: Really??
Steven: Yes. It's good!
Emily: Did you ever think you'd have a child tell you your food tastes like bugs and you'd take it as a compliment?
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Language
Your Linguistic Profile: |
| 80% General American English |
| 15% Upper Midwestern |
| 5% Midwestern |
| 0% Dixie |
| 0% Yankee |
What'>http://www.blogthings.com/amenglishdialecttest/">What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
Monday, April 17, 2006
Rescue in the Fescue*
Across the creek and a field or two from our house is Harris Drive. Amy’s friend Carrie lives there with Loras and Ruth Neushwander, Paul’s great-aunt and uncle. Up the road from them is where Paul’s brother Steve lives with his family, and way back in behind their place is Paul’s Uncle James’s shop.
James is a calm, slow-spoken 60-something farmer.
Amy came home from the Emirates in March and decided she needs to get in shape, so almost every day she drives over to Loras and Ruth’s house to go on a walk with Carrie. They walk all the way to the end of Harris Drive and back.
On Friday they were on their way home when suddenly they thought they heard someone calling for help. They stopped and listened, and sure enough, there came a faint, faraway, "HEELLPP!!"
Carrie was the first to recognize that it came from James’s shop, and they took off running. As they arrived, this is what they saw:
Picture a tractor tire lying on the concrete, like a big donut. Now picture a big piece of metal, like a tin can with the ends out, set into the center of the tire/donut. A pair of feet stuck out from under the tire, and from inside the "tin can" a hand was waving a hat.
Amy still can’t quite piece together how this all happened, but it seems James had dual tires on the tractor and was trying to take the outside one off when it fell over on top of him and thoroughly pinned him down. So he was sitting in the middle with the tire pressing down on his legs. He had been there for an hour and a half.
Carrie grabbed a bar of some sort and used it as a lever to lift the tire, and James wiggled his way out. He was unhurt, thankfully, but was losing the feeling in his legs. He expressed his thanks as effusively as Uncle James expresses anything. The girls left, happy that they had been at the right place at the right time and that they heard him even though the wind was blowing the "wrong" direction. James, I am told, felt better after a soak in a hot bath and did not need medical attention.
Quotes of the Day:
"I just wish I would have had a camera along."
--Amy
"Well, I guess the first guy you rescued wasn’t your handsome prince."
--Emily
*Ok, so it wasn't exactly in the fescue, which is a type of grass, but I have thought for years that someday there ought to be a news headline like this from around here, as I mention, incidentally, in my new book, Ordinary Days, Family Life in a Farmhouse, which should be available in a month or so.
James is a calm, slow-spoken 60-something farmer.
Amy came home from the Emirates in March and decided she needs to get in shape, so almost every day she drives over to Loras and Ruth’s house to go on a walk with Carrie. They walk all the way to the end of Harris Drive and back.
On Friday they were on their way home when suddenly they thought they heard someone calling for help. They stopped and listened, and sure enough, there came a faint, faraway, "HEELLPP!!"
Carrie was the first to recognize that it came from James’s shop, and they took off running. As they arrived, this is what they saw:
Picture a tractor tire lying on the concrete, like a big donut. Now picture a big piece of metal, like a tin can with the ends out, set into the center of the tire/donut. A pair of feet stuck out from under the tire, and from inside the "tin can" a hand was waving a hat.
Amy still can’t quite piece together how this all happened, but it seems James had dual tires on the tractor and was trying to take the outside one off when it fell over on top of him and thoroughly pinned him down. So he was sitting in the middle with the tire pressing down on his legs. He had been there for an hour and a half.
Carrie grabbed a bar of some sort and used it as a lever to lift the tire, and James wiggled his way out. He was unhurt, thankfully, but was losing the feeling in his legs. He expressed his thanks as effusively as Uncle James expresses anything. The girls left, happy that they had been at the right place at the right time and that they heard him even though the wind was blowing the "wrong" direction. James, I am told, felt better after a soak in a hot bath and did not need medical attention.
Quotes of the Day:
"I just wish I would have had a camera along."
--Amy
"Well, I guess the first guy you rescued wasn’t your handsome prince."
--Emily
*Ok, so it wasn't exactly in the fescue, which is a type of grass, but I have thought for years that someday there ought to be a news headline like this from around here, as I mention, incidentally, in my new book, Ordinary Days, Family Life in a Farmhouse, which should be available in a month or so.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
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