Leonard was special to me in that way that the first nieces and nephews get extra doting-on from the single aunts until they have children of their own.
During his teenage years he pulled away from his immediate and extended family. At Christmas dinners he would stay around long enough to eat the pie and then take off to go snowmobiling with his friends rather than stay around to chat with his old aunts. I found this annoying.
A few years ago, Leonard moved two hours away to Millbank, South Dakota. Then, in a rather dramatic series of events, he made things right with God, was baptized, and started turning his heart back to his family.
Two years ago at Mom and Dad's 50th anniversary party, and again last year at Christmas, I noticed a huge change in Leonard. He hung around and talked with all the relatives, took an interest in people, and seemed involved and engaged. He and I talked about how much we liked James Herriot.
In South Dakota, he went to church and also to a Bible study that really touched his heart, resulting in a visit home in the spring in which he and his family had a phenomenal reconciliation--talking, apologizing, hugging, praying.
At that time, he also admitted to having symptoms of depression, including difficulty eating and sleeping. Marcus, his dad, helped him set up a plan to find and meet with a mentor.
Lately, Leonard seemed to be much happier. He came home on Mother's and Father's Days and had a number of people that he regularly called and talked with at length.
And then, early one morning, he took his own life. He did not leave a note or a journal or any other clue, only an infinitely large question mark branded into our minds.
I have known at least five people who ended their own lives, almost always after a long history of self-destructive behavior. The one exception was a young teenager, also from my home church, who died 20 years ago. I have never, never seen anything like this.
To think of his silent suffering that last night is horrible, to see his parents' suffering is much worse. And yet, I can honestly say that the peace of God, which passes all understanding, has been guarding my heart and mind through Christ Jesus.
I grieve with you! I never got to know Lenny but I have talked to his Dad on various occansions when we visited the church. The grief is still there to know that those close to me are hurting in such a personal way. I know this must bring back a lot of painful memories for Abe's and Verlynn's family. May God's all sustaning grace, bring the comfort and healing that only He can give.
ReplyDeleteWe wanted to come to the funeral but had relatives arriving and couldn't make it.