Florida V--Ministers Wives

So I’ve posted about the car, the flights, the Amish, and the phone calls, but not much about the conference itself.

What I liked about the conference was that it was designed to encourage. The special ladies-only times made us feel cared for, and the afternoon tea was lovely, and the skits were funny but thought-provoking.

It was fun to connect with old friends, and most of the speakers at the whole-group sessions were really good and I learned a lot.

However. This is the tough thing about a conference such as this: it highlights all my misgivings about being a minister’s wife.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being Paul’s wife. And I really like hearing him preach, and I think he is excellent at what he does. And it's not that people at our church aren't supportive and wonderful. But the honest truth is that I have issues with the whole Minister's Wife aura and vague undefined expectations that I always sense I am not living up to. If I were choosing ministers wives I would pick someone who first of all is calm and good, and isn’t worried about what people think, but I guess God disregarded that memo in my case.

It’s not that I hate being a minister's wife, constantly chafing at the bit. I see it kind of like asthma, a burden to bear, a source of suffering that God put into my life for some reason I’ve never understood. I think I’ve accepted it, and I’m sure it has a purpose. But I can’t say I like it.

I don’t fit the mold. I talk and laugh too much, and I don’t shut up when I should, and I’m either too honest or not honest enough. I don’t pray enough, and I don’t sound deep and spiritual, and I am terrible at confronting people. Oh, and I don’t like going visiting, and I like to imitate weird preachers, and it just kills me to keep secrets. And I can't sing.

During the icebreaker times at the conference I was chagrined at how many women said they enjoy cooking, baking, and having guests in for meals. I enjoy all of these on occasion, but I’m always relieved when I don’t have to do them, with the exception of my children bringing home their friends on Sunday afternoons. But I completely stress out about having a tableful of "real" company for Sunday dinner.

Also, ministers’ wives are supposed to be good, and I frankly am a sinner and if God didn’t keep me saved by his grace and mercy I would be hopelessly out on my ear.

As you can see, I’ve been way too honest here, which proves my point I think.

Quote of the Day:
"Well, see, I just like to cry. I just enjoy it. I like to listen to funeral songs and stuff. I would make a good charismatic."
--my friend Arlene, who is a great encouragement to me