I have an article due today so of course I am motivated to post about something entirely different.
I learn a lot from talking with my big kids. Recently Matt introduced me to the term "Friend Zone." No guy wants to be in the Friend Zone, he said.
Basically, girls have a category of guys that they would date, and another category of guys who are friends. They talk with the friends, they like them, sometimes they even pour out their hearts to them about the jerks they date. But they don't date the friends because, theoretically, it would destroy a lovely friendship.
Matt says this drives guys nuts.
I also read, on the oh-so-informative internet, that girls tend to marry guys from the first list, who often turn out to be awful husbands, and 15 years down the road they think DUH, what was I thinking, I should have married Bob who was just a good friend.
(I also know a young man who would make an excellent husband for a fortunate young lady but unfortunately all the girls seem to see him as a nice "Bob" type who is just a good friend. I think that's sad.)
And today when I was browsing the internet instead of working on my article, I found this:
"Eventually, after a string of the most horrible boyfriends you can imagine, I sat down one day and made a list of the attributes of a good one. I was mortified to find out that the only person I knew who had everything I was looking for was my very longtime, very dorky, very just-a-friend friend, Jared. We have now been happily married for almost nine years." —Britt Reints, 29, Orlando, Fla.
I am very thankful that I had the sense to marry a guy who was way more nice than swashbuckling and cool.
Anne of Green Gables and Diana wanted to marry men who were wicked, and reform them, or else marry men who were good, but who could be wicked if they wanted to. But they ended up marrying Gilbert and Fred.
Good for them.
Quote of the Day:
"You can't date a guy just because you feel sorry for him!"
--a young lady I know
Thank you, Matt & Dorcas! Amen!
ReplyDeleteAmen to the quote at the bottom!! Frankly, as an upper-20s single female, I'd certainly consider one of my "just-friends" male friends. However, the upper-20s single male demographic doesn't exist where I live, right in the center of a Mennonite mecca. Where'd they all go?! And it's not that I'm determined to live here forever - I'd happily move for the right guy who might already be my friend.
ReplyDeleteAnd do you mean that these guys ARE actually asking these girls for dates and getting turned down?? Because my guy friends aren't asking me for dates, but yet they "like" me too, talk to me, whatever!! I think this phenomenon goes both ways...
I love reading your blog - we've got mutual friends, but I won't say who because of the sensitive nature of my comments. : )
I had a friend I worked with and I would not have considered marrying him for anything...he was overweight and geeky. After we had known each other about a year, and traveled with a group for work a lot, he asked me to marry him...It was really hard to change how I thought of him. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. He was of very good character, from parents who had a good marriage, never divorced....stable, good work ethic, moral--What more could I ask for? So I took him before the elders of the church and told them I would abide with whatever decidion they made. To my shock and great fear, they said "He's a keeper." Almost 21 years later, I'm still thankful for their boldness and I totally agree...He's a keeper!!
ReplyDeleteSo I have to say, "Marry the friend!!"
Interesting. My platonic women friends are some of the best friends I've got. I prefer their company over most of the guys I know.
ReplyDeleteWell there goes my theory. I always thought that the friend card was played more by biys. When my brother Ben was fallign for Ruth he told me that he didnt want to ask her for a date cause they were such good friends and he didnt want to ruin it. I told him that no girl thinks that way. On the contrary she is sitting there wondering why on Gods green earth he doesnt ask. I thought we didnt look at dating friends as a bad thing but rather girls befriended guys in the hope that they would date them. According to Matts theory I have it all wrong. Maybe thats why everyone thouht I was boycrazy as a teen. I was only trying to get the boys that considered me to be a friend to think of me as a girlfriend and wife material. Well it didnt get me far. I finally got married at 28 years of age and it wasnt to a Mennonite. Hmm food for thought!
ReplyDeleteOops many typos! sorry
ReplyDeleteI definitely married in the "friends" catagory and am so happy I did. When I look back at the guys I had crushes on, I'm like, what was I thinking. When a friend who I had never considered as anything but a friend asked me and I gave him a chance, I was amazed to find the love of my life. So girls, give those "friends" a chance they're the keepers. Great post.
ReplyDelete-LaDonna
I would certainly consider some of my guys friends that are in my 'friend zone'. but since I firmly believe that they should do the pursuing, I don't think anything will ever become of my friendship with any of them. I some times feel like I am no longer a mystery to them, since we have been friends for so long and we know each other so well...therefore they are always running after girls who are far more attractive and a mystery.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's all the girls fault.. maybe for once the guys should step out and take some risks. Mennonite boys have gotten way to passive and far to safe. Guys outside of the menno world have far more courage to at least try.. i know it must be scary to risk getting turned down.. but what happened to at least trying and taking that risk. but then again maybe if we didn't take this whole asking someone for a date so seriously..it might change things.
great post..
And perhaps if we gave up on the notion of "in love" and just went with "love"......
ReplyDeleteI've gotta' side with the girls on this one! "This drives guys nuts"??? Since when?? Aren't they usually the ones initiating the "just friendships"?? What drives me nuts is the guys who assume that i know i am not an option for them, they think i am "safe" so they can treat me however they like. I can say from experience that this can end in an awful lot of hurt, and that being "everybody's friend" is not always as much fun as it may appear!
ReplyDeleteA lot of times, both parties are getting more from the relationship than either party believes or will acknowledge. But I know several guys who wish they could take some of their "friend" relationship further but the girls are not interested but it is obvious the girls enjoy the relationship. That frustrates me. But thanks for the post I believe it is very true and insightful.
ReplyDelete