Amy's Teeth

I don't think I've seen someone come out of anesthesia since Paul had hernia surgery 22 years ago and I gave him some contraband Mt. Dew too soon and he threw up and then he mumbled, "Why don't you just go shopping?" so I did, and he never remembered saying that.

Today Amy and I went to town and she had two troublesome wisdom teeth removed. I sat in the waiting room with a laptop on my lap and had barely 15 minutes of work done on my next column when the nice lady came in and said I can come on back. "And bring all your stuff with you--you'll be leaving out the back." I saw the wisdom of this little procedure as time went on--imagine being a terrified person in the waiting room and seeing these glassy-eyed swollen-mouthed patients staggering out.

I was taken to a little anteroom and there was Amy seated in a recliner, with a puffy mouth and a bandage on her elbow and a clothespin thingie on her finger connected to a monitor that beeped and blinked. Her eyes looked a bit tired but really she didn't look as bad as I expected.

But she kept trying to talk, and that was just weird. Her mouth was numb and stuffed full, but she kept trying to make me understand. "How long have you been here?" "How long have I been awake?" "When did you get here?" And, weirdest, she grabbed at the cord to the monitor and mumbled, "I just have all these things coming out of me," and then she realized it was only one cord, connected to her finger. Oh.

And when the nice lady brought her teeth in a little bag, Amy desperately wanted to know which had come from which side of her mouth.

But she didn't divulge anything juicy or embarrassing. And now she remembers none of this.

Now she's up in her room propped up on pillows, still heavily sedated, and eating yogurt and peach shakes whenever we change the gauze.

Not much fun, but better than years of having wisdom teeth coming in sideways.

Quote of the Day:
"If clones of Mom ruled the world, 99% of the commerce would be between mutual garage sales."
--Ben