Deals

Today I was working on my column for October, having gotten my deadline extended just a bit by my new editor who has yet to get used to my procrastinating ways. After I finished the column, I posted this on Facebook:

"Writing is expensive. No, not Writers Digest magazine or online classes, but paying Jenny $5 to let me put in that paragraph about her making apple crisp and I think the orange-pop-on-the-ceiling story about Steven will set me back at least $10. Yes, I'm desperate."

A lady named Valerie Martin commented: "Trying to decide if it's free-market capitalism or extortion. :o)"

And Katie Troyer said: You are going to end up in the Poor House.

So I thought maybe I should explain how this works in this household.

I have a policy that I don't write about the children in my newspaper column without their permission, and they have veto power over anything I write about them. This would be much easier if I always worked on the column two weeks ahead of the deadline, or if they never did anything they didn't want the world to know about. [On the other hand, what on earth would I write about if they were that well-behaved??]

But when I'm down to the wire with my deadline and sitting here furiously typing, with everyone else off to school, and with my hair uncombed, and a wild look in my eyes like the ghost of the butcher's first wife in Fiddler On the Roof, well I am way beyond considering the tender feelings of the poor little Smucker darlings. I've just GOT TO GET THIS DONE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

That's how I was today, with the Looming Deadline at noon.

But then I had a moment of sanity, remembering how wrong things have gone with a recent column or two, and I reconsidered.

See, I had written this very accurate paragraph about how Jenny made apple crisp the other day and fussed almost the entire time.

But oh, the dilemma, because if you have a third of the article pinned on this example, you have to rework the whole stinkin' thing if the child says you can't use that story.

I called her up at school.
Me: Hey, Jenny. I wrote about you in my article and I want to know if it's ok. Here, I'll read it to you. [read read read]
Jenny: No, Mom!
Me: But it's true, isn't it?
Jenny: Well, yeah, but I don't want people to know that about me!
Me: How much will you charge?
Jenny: Five dollars!
Me: Deal!

Now I'll let you decide if that's bribery, extortion, or good old American capitalism.

Another example I used was Steven's exploding can of orange pop. I told him this last night. He said, "Moooooooommmmm...!" I could hear the abacus beads clicking in his head and as mentioned above I thought sure this was going to cost me a good $10. But he settled for $7.

I'm still making a slight profit, and I can probably file these under Expenses when I do my taxes.

I also mentioned Paul's mom in the article, so I emailed her those paragraphs for approval, and she didn't charge me a thing.