Post 7--Poverty and Wealth--My Frugal Tips

Last night Emily's friend Ashlie spent the night. The two of them used to be roommates, but now Ashlie lives in Roseburg, goes to college, and coordinates weddings and other events at this big, lovely old house.

We were talking about money.

I said, "I read this article about a young woman who was making almost $60,000 a year and she could barely keep on top of her bills! So she decided to be frugal and lived on 'only' $28,000 and saved the rest."

I may have rolled my eyes before I continued. "I can't FEATURE being single with only yourself to support and spending $60,000 a year. I mean, I would have to work HARD to spend that much!" A bitter note may have crept into my voice. "And now she's written a book about it that's getting published and it'll probably be a bestseller! So annoying!"

Ashlie started laughing. "Umm, I wouldn't have any trouble spending $60,000 a year!"

I stopped ranting. Wow. Normal, smart, cute Ashlie gets how that's possible? All right then.

I think maybe I'm an outlier in America.

Not only can't I comprehend making and spending that much money frivolously, I also can't see how people fail to see the connection between the constant supply of Doritos and Mountain Dew, and the lack of money in savings.
Or why it actually matters to people how expensive your car is.
Or how students can take out such huge loans without seriously doing the math.
Or how certain people can be ok with buying gourmet deli meat (for their dogs!) at Grocery Depot, using food stamps, since you can't buy actual dog food with food stamps.

America is an incredibly wealthy country, and yet it seems that there's so much ill health in the financial realm, from welfare's misguided incentives to middle-class credit card debt to Monsanto using its power so unethically.

But those aren't mine to fix or understand.

I do, however, consider myself an expert at frugality. If you want to seriously save money, pay off debts, live within your means, or be a stay-at-home mom, below is my advice, all of it from personal experience.

The key factor here is that these were steps I took after I was an adult and in a healthy relationship where I could take volition over all these areas of my life that were out of my control as a teenager living at home.

I told you yesterday it would be less hardcore than taking your own cheese to McDonald's, but I'm not sure that's the case.

1. Face the financial challenges with a sense of creativity, possibility, and fun. There's going to be a lot of saying No, but there are Yeses if you look for them. Money is a tool, and you are going to handle it wisely. It doesn't have to control you.
2. Improve your emotional and spiritual and relational health. Addictions and bad life choices come out of broken places inside. You might not be able to afford therapy, but you can go to church for free. Or AA, if you need to. Forgiving is free, and prayer, and apologizing, and going outside for a walk.
3. Maximize your "people" wealth through family, church, mentors, neighbors, etc. Find ways to help them in exchange for them helping you, or just to be kind, as a relational investment. Find a roommate. Carpool.
4. Make a budget. Face your debt. Figure out the numbers. Save first, then spend. And set aside a little bit—for us it was $5 a month—just for a fun personal indulgence, whatever you choose.
5. Forget being cool. Clean and appropriate are good, but name brand anything is a financial drain. Shop secondhand or rummage sales. Or dumpster-dive. Drive an older car. Accept hand-me-downs. Wear things out.
6. Drink water. Stop drinking pop. You can make coffee at home but don't buy coffee at coffee stands or even 7-11s. Don't buy Doritos or chips of any kind. Pop your own popcorn instead.
7. Don't go to concerts, plays, games, or movies, unless they're free. But if someone asks what you want for your birthday, you can ask for tickets. Make friends who are ok with doing free things.
8. Cook from scratch. Get a secondhand crock pot. Buy and cook up dry beans and rice. Bake bread and cookies.
9. Learn as many skills as you can: cooking, baking, sewing, cleaning, car repair, hair cutting, drain unplugging, basic carpentry, mending, basic plumbing, canning, gardening.
10. Don't eat out. Pack a lunch. When you travel, pack a cooler of food and jugs of water. If you can eke a McDonald's meal out of your grocery budget, go ahead. Taking your own cheese is optional.
11. Focus on the little costs. Do the math. You might feel like it's the car repairs and tuition that put you under, but it's the lattes and impulsive Panda Express lunches that get you in the long run.
12. Give God 10% of your income, even if it seems impossible or insane. He isn't obligated to do miracles on your behalf in exchange, but he will.
13. Don't be afraid to say No to expensive obligations, like an assigned food for a church dinner or an assigned price on your child's gift exchange at school. I didn't follow this advice, but I wish I would have. It's ok to say, "We can't afford this right now. Can we do something else instead?"
14. Live with a sense of gratitude and abundance. When you're on a tight budget, an unexpected bargain is an incredible thrill. Enjoy it. After you have more money, life is easier but that thrill is gone.
15. If you want babies, get married first.
16. Marry someone with the same financial goals as you, roughly.
17. Do fun free stuff. The Fourth of July parade. Hiking. Concerts at local churches. Playing in mud puddles.
18. Go to garage sales. Comb your children nice and neat, and take them along. Let them carry paper banana bags and look for stuff in the Free boxes. All the garage sale ladies will ooh and aah over them, and will grab good stuff off the tables to fill the children's bags. Trust me on this. It's not freeloading, exactly, because you're making their day, and your adorable kids will properly thank them of course.
19. Focus on elaborate homemade cakes and fun games for your children's birthdays. Give small and simple presents.
20. Learn from financial advisors and sources like Dave Ramsey or The Simple Dollar. We took an invaluable week of lessons from Lester Miller when he came to our church. I don't know if his material is still in circulation, but it was excellent.
21. Decide your parameters with taking government aid. We didn't feel like it was right to take food stamps or welfare, but after a few medical disasters that wiped us out, we got our children on the Oregon Health Plan.
22. Don't take on debt for furniture and vacations and toys. A reasonable mortgage can be better than paying rent. And going into debt to buy or start a business can be terrifying but also the right thing—but get lots of advice from wiser people first.

Like I said, it will feel like your life is full of No's, but you will develop an amazing sense of accomplishment and a financial intelligence that will benefit you the rest of your life.

Feel free to add advice from your own experience.

Tomorrow: How things turned out for my parents.