Life and Lists and Love

As you may be aware, none of my old-enough-to children are dating, for a variety of reasons, lack of interest not being one of them.

I am wondering how much a mom should be involved in nudging, hinting, choosing, indicating, pointing in the general direction of, and so on.

Recently a mom I was talking to said, "You can not control who your children fall in love with!" Well, believe me, I know that already, having been oft informed of the importance of "chemistry" in more ways than not mixing chlorine with toilet bowl cleaner. But I also know that some heavy approval or disapproval on Paul's or my part could tip the balance one way or the other once things actually had a bit of momentum.

Matt says that guys have a "list" that includes every girl they know that they would consider a possibility. It doesn't take Barbie-doll looks or phenomenal talents to be on this list, I have gathered, just a general niceness, self-respect, Christian faith, and good grooming, which is surprisingly important, and a bit of zip and zing, as my Aunt Vina used to say. However, a sharp tongue can get you erased off the list pretty quickly, as can selfishness and excessive neediness.

The girls have lists also, I think, but are not as free as Matt is to tell me who is on them and what qualities are most important.

Confession time: As a mom, I have a few lists of my own, and when I meet a young man or woman I sometimes add them to my list and sometimes I even say a few prayers alerting God to their excellent potential.

This is the problem: the people on these lists keep pairing off with people who are not my children. It is very annoying. Is it so much to ask that half a dozen nice young ladies on my list wait till Matt is out of college and has a good job so he can choose among them? I didn't think so, but there they go, picking instead some weaselly young man who isn't nearly as cool or smart as Matt, and posting cozy pictures of the two of them on Xanga, leaning into each other on a creek bank.

Then there are all the guys on my list who haven't noticed Amy yet, or tasted her exquisite cinnamon rolls, and while I am in no hurry to marry her off, and I want her to taste boldly of life before she "settles down" as the Amish say, it seems they could have the decency to at least stay available until she's ready, but noooo, off they go, pairing up with some harebrained little thing with a hank of hair dangling down beside her nose, in the requisite picture of the two of them on Xanga.

You will notice here that I am being very vague and not mentioning names, because I will be in enough trouble as it is when my kids read this.

And they are going to accuse me of being a matchmaking Mennonite mom, but here at least I think I have the trump card, because I spoke at a Presbyterian church a while back, and mentioned to the women that among lots of other things going wrong that week, the girl at the top of my list for Matt had started dating someone else. And afterwards several women said they empathized so well with this, and one of them told me, almost in tears, that there was this nice neighbor girl who was so sweet and talented and pretty, and she ran in track, and she worked hard on the farm, and this lady so wanted her for her son, and now she's dating someone else. She looked heartbroken, telling me, and we had a real mom-to-mom sympathy moment there, believe me. So it's not just a Mennonite thing.

It's fun having grown-up children, but it's not easy.

Quote of the Day:
JoNell the nephew's wife and I are looking at an ad for the new Kit movie.
Me, to JoNell: Were you into American Girls?
Matt, interrupting: I've been into American girls since I was 14.