Responses

Here's the #1 thing I've learned about writing: You never can tell.

In the 11 years that I've been writing a newspaper column I have received very few negative or unkind letters. This has been a great mercy on my fragile little self.

Most of the time, my columns don't generate a lot of response. My reliable sister always compliments me, people I know personally will mention something about it or send me an email, and I'll get two or three emails from people I don't know who get the Register-Guard. Once in a while I'll randomly get more responses, but I've never figured out what makes one article resonate with people while the rest make them turn the page and move on.

As long as I hear something from somebody, I'm ok. I just need to know I didn't toss those words out into an echoing void and they never reached anyone.

But now I've located the magic hidden key to an avalanche of responses: Write about ants.

Oh, and marriage too. That is the magic combination, all you aspiring writers.

Let's see. Four or five phone calls, five blog comments, 16 Facebook comments, 16 Facebook "likes," 1 Facebook message, and at least 30 emails.

Of course I was enjoying this unheard-of flood of feedback to the point of intemperance and went so far as to divide the responses into proper categories:

"Liked the column."--most of them
"Yes, write a book."--7
"How I got rid of ants and you should do this too."--at least 15
"Here are my observations of marriage and such."--3
(Hard to categorize)---2
"Here is a poem I wrote about ants."--1
"I'm an exterminator and you should have me come out and treat your house."--2
"I wrote a book on marriage and you should read it."--1
"You should read the Raineys' book on marriage."--1
"I've been meaning to write a book on marriage and would like you to collaborate with me."--1

That last one wasn't from Paul, unfortunately, so I think I'll decline.

My favorite was a call from a wonderful older woman who lives in Junction City and phones me about once a year to tell me she loved my latest column. I don't know much about her except that she used to work for Pacific Power and has a Southern accent that drips of sweet tea and hush puppies. She said, among other things,

Quote of the Day:
"Sunday mornin' mah husband said, 'Huuunni, you gotta read this before you eatcher breakfast.' So Ah did. Ah think that's the best thing you ever wrote! And you know, the ants are just as bad at are house. They got in the toaster, and in with all the dishes even though there's nothin' there to eat, and on top of the fridge. Mah husband got so disgusted he even used some swear words which he don't usually do, and Ah don't approve. . . But honest to goodness Ah din't think there was any ants in Harr'sburg, I thought they was all in Junction City!"