Sunday, January 03, 2016

Why I Hate Table Games

The only table game I really like is Boggle.

You know, that game where you shake up 16 little cubes and they all fall into place in the tray and then someone starts the timer at the same time as you lift the cover off the tray and then it's a mad 2-minute scramble to find all the words you can and write them down and you see who got words that no one else did and you get points for all the unique words you found.

I love to play Boggle.  It has all the elements that make a fun game.
It involves words.
It is fast mentally but not physically.
It is not confusing.
No one talks.
There's a little bit of strategy but not too much.
I usually win.
There's a little bit of luck and a lot of skill.
It doesn't take that long.
You can quit any time.

There are many, many people in my life who love to play games, and there are many, many games that can be played.

Ticket to Ride and Phase Ten and Mad Gab and Monopoly and Mexican Train and Chess and Risk and Rook and Dutch Blitz and Settlers of Catan and many many more.

My anxiety level is increasing just doing this exercise of trying to think of names of games.

I hate most table games.

I know that's a strong word, that hate stuff, but my feelings are in a category far beyond indifference and well into outright hostility.

And yet, sometimes I join the game, because I am polite and I shouldn't make a fuss and I do like to be included in the group and it's rude to sit and read when someone organized a game for the enjoyment of all.

This is why I don't enjoy games:

People talk while you're trying to think.
Luck is always always against me. I always draw a run of 8 when we're looking for two sets of four. [Phase Ten]
I am all confused and going HUH?? while all around me people snatch cards from their hands or the piles before them and SLAP them on the stacks in the middle of the table. [Dutch Blitz]
The people who know all about strategy [Smuckers and men] chuckle indulgently when I make stupid moves [pretty much every game ever].
And the games go on and on.  Oh, People, the tortures I have endured in various and sundry cozy gatherings in living rooms and around dining tables at rented houses at the coast and family gatherings.  I sit and wait for my turn, wondering in confusion what I should do next, or I sit and wait knowing full well what to do next but it looks like Jesus will come back before my turn ever comes around again.  And I have gotten up and made popcorn and hot chocolate before my turn came around again, and texted my sisters, and used the bathroom, and filled the dishwasher.
And I have endured games where people were all about FINISHING this game, round after endless round.
The clocks ticked, the sun set, stores closed, ships came into port and unloaded their cargo and sailed away again, hair turned gray, children grew up and went to college, kingdoms rose and fell, and still these games went on and on and on.

Today Paul's mom was here and she and I and Paul played Scrabble.  Scrabble's one redeeming factor is that it involves words.  But it also involves tons of luck, which is always against me, and strategy, which I am terrible at.  And people talking while I'm trying to think, mostly about whether or not that word is really a word, and what about chemical abbreviations like Fe for iron or Fi the music term, and oh dear you took my spot, and give me the dictionary.

So I had no hopes of doing well but I wanted to be a good hostess so I played.

But this time I got the Q and the U at the same time, miracle of miracles.  If I had had an I, I could have made QUINOA.

But I didn't have an I.  Of course.

However, I was able to make OPAQUE, which was a very good beginning but not one I expected to sustain.

Then I got a J and put it on a triple word block to make JET.

I put long words out into empty spaces, but Paul and his mom found ways to cluster letters into solid blocks, so they made 4 or 5 words at one go, up and down and sideways, and got lots of points.

But I stayed within sight of them, so I played with a little sense of hope, which was a new experience.

"Von" was in the dictionary, yea, even that dictionary that Anne was sure was old and inaccurate because it didn't have nearly all the words that are in her Scrabble dictionary or the paper of 2-letter words she got from Esther Wolfer's mom.

Paul had an obvious lack of respect for any dictionary or list that was not there with us, explaining itself.

As the tiles in the bag ran out I was sure I would lose because in the end we all subtract the value of any letters on our boards and give them to the winner.

But.
I won the game.
I am serious.
I had the most points in the end.
Unbelievable, but Paul will back up the verity of this.

Maybe the wind is shifting and a new era is dawning with the new year.

All the cool bloggers have been looking deep and meditating long to find a Word for the Year.  I have not done this, but suddenly I think my word might be CONQUER.  Or BELIEVE.  Or POSSIBILITIES!

But do not expect me to play Risk or enjoy table games any time soon.  It is not THAT radical of a new era dawning.

Maybe when Jesus comes back I will enjoy Phase Ten.

Quote of the Day:
"I don't like to follow recipes.  A recipe is like a big sister telling you what to do.  And you think, 'Humph. YNTM*.'"
--A Smucker daughter

*You're Not The Mom

16 comments:

  1. HA! I have found my fellow "I'm not really into games" woman!! And yes, that leaves me the odd woman out with my husband's family, and as a Mennonite. I have become thick-skinned enough [most of the time] to not care much.

    A book? Yes! An adult coloring book?! Yes! A walk? Yes! But games and puzzles? Not so much my thing most of the time.

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  2. Well, I can't identify with you on hating most table games, since I enjoy a great many. But I can identify with "A Smucker daughter". I thoroughly enjoyed the QOTD! It tickled my funny bone! I rarely follow a recipe exactly, choosing instead to substitute for certain spices, or bump up the sugar in one and cut it in another. I tell myself that it's because I know better what I like than the author of the recipe, but, if I'm honest with myself, it's mostly because I feel like I can't take full credit for a dish if someone else told me exactly what to do!

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  3. You came up with "opaque". That's a good one. You didn't mention it, but your picture of the scrabble board indicates that you were able to position the "Q" on a "Triple Letter Score" block. Since the letter "Q" has a value of 10, that gave you 30 points just for starters! Way to go!!!

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  4. Oh, Dorcas, I love your post! So glad this Scrabble game went well for you today!! I love table games! I follow a recipe to a "t" unless I feel like it would taste better by adding an ingredient or lessoning the sugar or using a natural sugar substitute instead. Thank you for posting this interesting article!

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  5. You are so funny! I enjoy some games and participate, for the lack of other options. I would only play chess, but finding opponents is tough.

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  6. Dorcas, I think you will be my new best friend! I echo your sentiments, with the possible exception that I enjoy playing Yahtzee. And sometimes Farkle, IF I can remember the rules and the people playing are nice to me. Is it rude to pull it some hand quilting when the others are playing games? I think not--it's a matter of survival, in my opinion.

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  7. Dorcas, I think you will be my new best friend! I echo your sentiments, with the possible exception that I enjoy playing Yahtzee. And sometimes Farkle, IF I can remember the rules and the people playing are nice to me. Is it rude to pull out some hand quilting when the others are playing games? I think not--it's a matter of survival, in my opinion.

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  8. Truth.

    Boggle is the only game worth playing!!!

    I laughed because I agree heartily with all your reasons for hating (that's not too strong of a word, truly!) games.

    And how exactly do you survive in a Smucker household if you don't love to play games???!!?? (I am well acquainted with John and Laura and co.)

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  9. Knitting is a MUST for large group games (or for when you're playing canasta with the friend who will.not.discard without deep meditation, first).

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  10. Hilarious QOTD!

    My husband admires my ability to play games without caring whether I win or lose but still giving a "winning effort." We celebrated his birthday recently, and all he wanted was to play a game of Risk, which hadn't happened for many years (and I've never indulged in that senselessly long game). As it was his birthday, I was a loving wife and participated... and lo and behold, I won! And it wasn't a painfully long game... just long. Perhaps that's because we took a dinner break. Food always cheers me up. :)

    I understand your feelings toward the agony of long games. I've been converted a bit, though, for the medium-length-only ones. I do love Boggle, too.

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  11. Ohhhh yes, how many times may I yell, "Amen to the message!" I feel a rash coming on, my legs begin to twitch, and my eyes cross at the mere mention of me playing a game! Glad to know I am not alone in this because it sure feels like it around here.

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  12. I have always felt alone in my dislike of table games, so it's nice to know someone else shares my feelings. Theoretically, I think they are a nice family activity, but I still don't enjoy them.

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  13. Amen! Plus, I have this really sweet, pleading with big blue eyes son who adores Monopoly of all the curses a mother could get. Since he ALWAYS wins, the other siblings refuse to play with him anymore. Fortunately dad has a softer heart than mom. I think half the reason I have 5 almost 6 kids is so that I DON'T HAVE TO PLAY!

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  14. This literally made me LOL:

    And I have gotten up and made popcorn and hot chocolate before my turn came around again, and texted my sisters, and used the bathroom, and filled the dishwasher.

    And I have endured games where people were all about FINISHING this game, round after endless round.

    The clocks ticked, the sun set, stores closed, ships came into port and unloaded their cargo and sailed away again, hair turned gray, children grew up and went to college, kingdoms rose and fell, and still these games went on and on and on.


    Thank you for a wonderful morning laugh.

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  15. I dislike all games and sports; I don't like to lose,because it makes me feel sad, and I don't like to win because I feel too sad for the losers. So if games are supposed to be fun, they are wasted on me. If I do get stuck in a game or sporting event I usually wish I was some where else doing something productive instead of trying to beat someone.

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  16. I enjoyed all the comments and am very happy to see how many kindred spirits walk among us!

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