Thursday, April 26, 2018

Day 26--ABC--21 Shocking Things Your Pastor's Wife Will Never Say Out Loud!

1. She never applied for this job.
2. Some of the ideas in that sermon came from her. She won’t ever take credit for them.
3. She might influence sermons, but she has very little influence on church and leadership decisions. But sometimes she loses friends or sees her children struggle because of leadership decisions.
4. The #1 lesson of her life is trusting God with all the things she can’t control.
5. She doesn’t like everything about every sermon, whether it’s her husband’s or another pastor’s or the visiting speaker’s. But she acts like she does, knowing the courage and vulnerability it takes to get up there and preach.
6. She loves to hear positive reviews of her husband’s sermon or how he handled a situation.
7. If you have a criticism about leadership, you should talk directly to the pastors. She doesn’t want to be a liaison, passing your complaints on to her husband because you’re scared to go talk to him.
8. She can tell when her husband wanders off his notes, and she prays hard and maybe panics a little. No doubt you do too.
9. She might be making a grocery list or sketching plot ideas for a novel, and not taking sermon notes, in that little notebook. But she looks awfully attentive, doesn’t she?
10. 20% of the people take 80% of the time and energy. Or maybe it’s more like 10/90. Many of the 80-90% are energy replenishers. God bless them.
11. Those gift cards at Christmas are far more valuable than the Olive Garden dinner they represent.
12. People sometimes talk to her about “the church,” and its shortcomings and outdated policies and unwelcoming atmosphere. These things are out of her control, yet she feels vaguely responsible, and tries to explain and justify. It is awkward.
13. She is pretty sure that if you have a complaint about “the church,” God is calling you to do something about it. You have what it takes.
14. Friendship with other women in church can be complicated because of the discussions in #12, loyalty conflicts, and confidentiality issues. But it's hard to find energy and time for friendships outside of church. She can be lonely.
15. She is mostly a good person but she has moments of being malicious and cynical.
16. She needs a life and role that are totally separate from church. So don’t begrudge her the nursing job or photography hobby.
17. She knows that the least spiritual-looking person in church might well be the bravest and kindest and the one who has overcome the toughest odds.
18. She prefers real flaws to fake perfection.
19. If you write her an encouraging note, she will read it over and over and cry and tuck it in a cookbook for safe keeping. 
20. She wants her children to be allowed to be normal children rather than PK’s.
21. You might be a character in a story in a password-protected file in her computer.
22. She empathizes with Pilate’s wife, Abigail, Priscilla, Esther, Jezebel*, and every other Biblical wife of a man in leadership. 
*Yes, Jezebel. Sorry. Sometimes you just want to take charge and fix a situation.


  1. I liked this.
    Many of these, with a slightly different slant, are true of the song leader's mom, the Sunday school teacher's wife, and anyone who has a visible position somehow. I think one of the best things about heaven will be that there will be no social barriers, no secrets...we will know and be known, as we are known by God. We can connect with anyone who fascinates us without there being the first hint of impropriety. We will not risk alienating person A because we signed up for Stained Glass Lessons with Person B. We will not have to weigh the risks of sharing what we are thinking about any given subject to any given audience, because there will be none.

  2. I am watching our 34 year old daughter walk this road and sometimes it is heartbreaking. But, we are so proud of her.

  3. I always enjoy your insights but this one really hit home. I am a PK, MK and pastor's wife. I have not had some of the issues you spoke of but you are right on the money. Thank you.

  4. I have been an ordained leader's wife for 38 years. You are right on the money, particularly #4, #7, and #14. God has been faithful and there are blessings along the way. One is the many friends we've found in many places where my husband was asked to preach. I can also relate to the cycinical and malicious comment - just never had the courage to admit it openly. And Jezebel? That's hilarious, but so true and then we have to go to #4!

  5. I sent this to our minister's wife and it really struck a chord with her. She said she cried as she read it to her husband and it was really what she needed to hear on that particular day.

  6. #19, so true. I keep a little rack on
    my desk at home and desk at the church that holds all the notes and cards of thanks, or encouragement, prayers for recovery. They mean so much to me.