Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My Rough Life

It’s a rough life to be both hard of hearing and dense.

So many times someone says something to me that calls for a quick and witty response and all I can manage is "Huh??"

Last Sunday we had a potluck after the baptism for all the family and friends who came. I was rattling around the church kitchen when my friend Sharon’s neighbor, John, came up to me and said, "So you’re the blonde lady?"

(Blonde lady? What on earth? I have been many things but never blonde.)
"Excuse me?"
"The blonde lady."

In the background, Sharon said, "Yeah, that’s her."

John went on, "Yeah, we read your blog, discuss it…"

Oh forevermore, he meant BLOG lady.

I tried to recover my tattered dignity. "Heh heh, how nice, thank you."

* * *
Some people are safe and others are dangerous. Paul is a safe person, calm and dignified, no big surprises, nothing sly.

The abovementioned Sharon, on the other hand, is a dangerous person. She says the abovementioned John is too, but she deserves everything he does and says.

Sharon has this wild and wicked sense of humor that brings out the worst in people, especially the minister’s wife who is trying to maintain an illusion of being sober, grave, holy, and temperate.

Sharon and her sidekick, Rachel, have this dreadful way of staying about ten feet away from me when I’m trying to have an earnest conversation with someone after church. They put their heads together and talk too quietly for me to hear, but every few seconds they up the volume, insert my name in the conversation, and look at me like conspiring seventh-graders. "Pssshh psshh DORCAS murmur murmur DORCAS (sideways glance at me) pssh pssh pssh DORCAS."

Well, it drives me crazy, and I can’t carry on an intelligent conversation to save my life. So I am driven to measures that are not sober, grave, holy, or temperate, such as (horrified whisper) chucking a wet napkin at Sharon in the fellowship hall, and then I feel guilty for a day and a half.

It’s a rough life.

Quote of the Day:
"Note as I’m accelerating the cheeseballs would go BACK."
--Matt, when he was driving me to the VBS program, the others having gone earlier, and I thought he was driving too wildly and was worried the cheeseballs and crackers in the back seat were going to slide off into destruction

9 comments:

  1. You mean Arlene and Pauline weren't in on this? Part of the five-some was missing? Maybe just off in another location conniving?

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  2. Dorcas, It's that bag of shame getting in your way, isn't it? : )

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  3. Yes that bag of shame is getting in her way!!!!! I DONOT deserve any of that flack I get from any of you!!!!!I am a perfect angel until all of you come around!!!I wouldn't dream of being anything but good!! As for being sober,grave,and temperate......Hmmmmmmm---I could tell a story or 2 about you!!!Where should I start!!!!!

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  4. Oh c'mon I am choking...Sharon dq, says she is a perfect angel...Oh my word...I have heard everything NOW!!!

    Dorcas just hang in there..I know its a rough life...we are in it with you...what them two ladies bring out in a person is next to amazing!!! Sympathies!!!

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  5. Sharon is not, nor ever was, an angel. I used to babysit her and believe me she was NOT angelic. Dont let her get by with telling you all how good she was before she met you. I knew her in her before life! It wasn't pretty. oh my no.

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  6. I feeling slightly ganged up on!!!!!Mrs D--I was most certianly a perfect angel--do not confuse me w/ my sister!!!!!!LOL I do declare what is this world coming to!!!!!! Don't I look angelic???:)
    P.S.NOOOOOO!!!!Steph:)

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  7. Feeling guilty for a day and a half over chucking a wet paper towel at someone? Is this where Jenny gets her over-sensitive conscience?

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  8. Yes, Mr./Ms Anonymous, Jenny gets her sensitive conscience straight from me.

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  9. This post is reason enough why I should not take a break to look at some new blogs while drinking soda!! Just swallowed the wrong way trying to not laugh too loud!!!

    I'm going to be back to see you again! :o)

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