Grammar Gone Wrong

Today we will learn about commas in a list or series.

You learned this in the fourth grade: word-comma-word-comma-and-word.

The flag is red, white, and blue.

Phil, Marcus, and Fred are my brothers.

Today I did laundry, talked on Skype, and washed the dishes.

We note that the series should be a series of similar items.  All colors, or all guys' names, or all verbs.

This is called "maintaining parallel structure."



Maybe this illustrates what I'm saying: (Found here)

Maintain parallel structure with items in a series.

Items in a series should have parallel structure. You maintain parallel structure when you use equal grammatical units. If the first item is a noun, then the following items must also be nouns; if the first item is a subordinate clause, then so must the other items be.
Nonparallel structure looks like this:

Harry spent his afternoon , , and .

Harry spent his afternoon playing tennis, returning overdue library books, and then he ate a mushroom and pineapple pizza.

Parallel structure, the correct way to list items in a series, looks like this:

Harry spent his afternoon , , and .

Harry spent his afternoon , , and .

Harry spent his afternoon playing tennis, returning overdue library books, and eating a mushroom and pineapple pizza.

This afternoon, Harry played tennis, returned overdue library books, and ate a mushroom and pineapple pizza.

There is this terrible habit spreading over our great land to start off a series and to do ok with items one and two, but item three goes slithering into the blackberry bushes in a different form altogether.

It drives me crazy.

I started tearing out bad examples from newspapers and magazines and copying them from websites, and in a very short time found these:

From JCPenney:
"We're offering free sitting fees, a free 8x10, and we'll also email you a digital copy."

From the Eugene Mission newsletter:
"'I love it here at the Mission.  There is acceptance, no judgment, and I've made a lot of friends.'"

From Bloomberg Business Week:
" Obama: 'I've now dealt with a lot of world leaders, and I think that Chancellor Merkel is smart, practical, and I trust her when she says something.'"

 From a Best Buy ad:
"Meet Fitbit Zip.  Tracks steps, distance, calories burned and uploads wirelessly to your free Fitbit.com account via Bluetooth 4.0/Smart Ready devices."

From a ShopKo eyecare center ad:
"See more clearly, sharper, and vividly than ever before!"
[this one almost works, but the more you read it, the worse it gets]

 From a quilting website:

"We make quilts, wall-hangings, crib quilts & specialize in repairs, as well as finish the quilt top that you have started." 

from Lifescript.com:

"You’re educated, well-read and are the go-to person for solving your family’s and friend’s problems."

 From Freshstitches.com:

"Crocheters already know how to tension the yarn, hold things in their hands, and all they really need to learn (in order to knit) is how to pass a stitch from one needle to another."

from Nbcnews.com(about the teen arrested in killing of Jessica Ridgway)

 "A former classmate, Austin Caisse, 17, described the suspect as “brilliant,” and told the Post he was into Japanese culture, anime, and shared an interest in collecting knives."

 I rest my case.

But I can't resist a few more samples of other bad stuff I found.

In a story about moving to Canada if your candidate loses:

"So, as we watch the election results with baited breath, hopefully none of this information will even be necessary."

[baited=earthworm on a hook; bated=restrained]

From an author's website: (yes, an author's)
"Denise is a mother to 3 incredible boys, one GIRL dog, and a wife."

And last but certainly not least, this from a facebook conversation about a home remedy:
"That has helped purge me of a blood clot and my mother in law."