Parent-teacher conferences are a breeze.
If the children misbehave in school, I don't have to tell their dad about it.
We get cool stuff from A.C.E., like flash drives and notebooks.
We get cool catalogs, everything from cheerleader uniforms to cheap cutesy erasers, shaped like hamburgers and hot dogs, made in China of course.
I get to provide props for the Christmas program--the ham for the Herdmans' food basket in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, the guys' bathrobes for the Nativity scene, Paul's old graduation honor cords for the angel's sash. It makes me feel included.
But last Sunday in our mailbox we found the most amazing perk ever. Seriously, I am not trying to make you jealous, you who are not the principal or his wife, but I won't blame you if you are.
It was a free calendar for 2013! And not just any calendar. It was a lavishly illustrated calendar from a place called BIO Corporation. More than any calendar I have ever owned, this one earns the title of "truly unique."
Every month's page is beautifully decorated.
And then, above the beautifully decorated month, is a whole page of detailed descriptions and pictures of "preserved specimens" you can buy for your school. See? Here they offer "Sheep organs."
On the February page, they give you a helpful little sidebar lesson on hearts! How clever is that!
Check this out! A cow uterus, either pregnant or not! Your choice, but the pregnant one is a seasonal item, just remember that.
I'll bet YOU don't get to look at something like this for the whole month of July!
Excuse me while I note this for my Christmas list. I'll bet Grandma would like this much better than shower-gel-and-pouf-and-lotion-in-a-box.
The selection is simply amazing! Turkey heads! Pig stomachs! Garter snakes by the bucketful! Lampreys! Frogs! Preserved leeches!
I hope we can agree on a prominent place to hang this calendar to grace our home in the coming year!
I tell you what, there's nothing quite like being the principal's wife!
Unfortunately, our daughter somehow failed to appreciate the unique qualities of this gift. Here she is looking at the samples of skinned cats.
Quote of the Day:
"Beef organs?? Ewww is that a dead pig?? [flip] Eww!! [flip] EEWWW!! Mom, look at this!! They preserve RABBITS??? Ohmygoodness! OhnoOhnoOhno! A cat! A pretty cat! You can buy dead preserved cats! I'm not kidding that is just gross! [whimper] This is horrible. You have to destroy this. I'm almost in tears!"
--Jenny
Hahahahah... I am containing my envy. So far.
ReplyDeleteI am eating breakfast.
ReplyDeleteYou get mail on Sunday??? Or wait, maybe it was in your church mailbox!
ReplyDeleteI used to be a principals wife...guess I didnt quite hit the jackpot. Nothing like this treasure ever graced MY mailbox. (ThankGod)...enjoy, really, no jealousy, kust happiness for you. Kim Glemn
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteno joke, i'm dissecting in my Anatomy class right now, so this stuff looks WAY too familiar.
wow i'm just so jealous of this calendar. there aren't words.
thanks for providing a laugh for me this morning...right before my lovely anatomy class. where I not only get to see these things, but touch them and cut them open. nasty.
I guess I'll just give thanks for all the preapproved credit card aps that land in my box. Put that up against offers for preserved cats, and it actually sounds attractive. :D
ReplyDeleteAack! On a CALENDER??! Their occupation has driven them out of their minds!
ReplyDeleteHilarious!! Seasonal cow uteruses. Uteri? I don't even know the plural for uterus. Too funny, too weird, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteha. this is hilarious. we were just inspecting that calendar today. and retelling pranks involving a skinned (not preserved) cat. ew.
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments mirror Jenny's! :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jenny! That would gross me out entirely. I did terrible with dissection in high school!
ReplyDelete