Sunday, September 23, 2018

What I Did This Summer: Hosting


My mom used to have nightmares about company coming. We called them her “gonzy loht psooch” dreams. A “whole load of company,”  translated from PA German. She never taught me how to host without panicking, so I inherited her nervousness.

Here are some things I’ve learned via trial, error, and observation about hosting.
1.       It is an honor to host people in your home. It is service and sacrifice, in some ways, but the best kind. Giving your guest a cup of tea or seeing a young person in a lawn chair watching the fire reflectively—something special is happening here. You get to make them feel valued and welcome.
2.       If you and/or your life and/or your house tend to be chaotic and messy, you can still have people over. You just have to keep the main areas maintained and give the bathroom a wipedown. You can even do a stash-and-dash, shutting the door to the office and pretending the living room is always this clean. Don’t apologize for how the house looks, or for the cobwebs. In summer, sit outside.
3.       So much of hosting is context. I was a lot more relaxed about hosting when we lived on a reservation in the Canadian bush and had a tiny house and few ingredients and a wimpy two-burner stove. I knew the guests’ expectations were low.
4.       You need only a few go-to menus. Learn to make a few things well, keep ingredients on hand, and make those foods. For me it's hamburgers and potato salad and homemade ice cream in the summer. Cheeseburger soup and bread in winter. Chicken and rice for Sunday dinners.
5.       Potlucks are blessings from God. A couple of times this summer I said, “I don’t want to do the cooking for this crowd, so bring food, even if it’s a box of donuts from a gas station.” No one seemed to mind. It all coordinated wonderfully.
6.       Planning ahead is crucial for me, especially if I’m recruiting help. Family members don’t like to be guilted into helping an overwhelmed hostess at the last minute when they had other plans.
7.       It’s ok if your house isn’t the cool house where everyone comes and hangs out and makes quesadillas. I guess. That’s what I tell myself, at least, even though I’m a bit jealous. What is their magic? What is the less-obvious magic you have to offer?
8.       Some guests just put you at ease and aren’t awkward about finding the coffeemaker and brewing their own coffee in the morning if they get up early. God bless those guests.
9. I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time, so I simply cannot get food ready and carry on a coherent conversation with guests. So I ask other family members to take one role while I do the other.
10. Weed out the fridge before you host a potluck. Otherwise you'll have three guests standing in the kitchen with salads in hand--"Can this go in the fridge? It's still so hot outside."-- while you dig Tupperwares of last week's leftovers out of the fridge to make room.
11.       My friend Rachel used to say that her mother used to say, “If there’s room in the heart, there’s room in the home.”

Here are some of the guests we had this summer and the events we hosted:
1.       Chad and Jenny Graber were Amy’s team leaders in Thailand. It was delightful to have them and their lively boys here.
Paul got attacked by a shark.
The boys helped Emily bake a cake.
Jenny and Chad

2.       Gary Quequish was the pastor of the church in the reservation in Northern Ontario where we lived for three years. It was super-special to have him and his wife Chris come to Oregon. Gary is still one of the best storytellers I’ve ever heard.
3.       Paul’s Aunt Nadine came from New Jersey, so we had to have a Smucker gathering. I hosted a potluck in the front yard.
Nadine is in the center, in glasses.


4.       One Sunday I had my Sunday School class here for dinner.


5.       We hosted another potluck in August, this time for all the Mennonite writers we could rustle up. We came from all kinds of places and had all levels of experience, but had a wonderful evening together.






6.        We had the youth over and roasted hot dogs.




I'd love to hear your hosting tips.


24 comments:

  1. You can read my tips over at arabah rejoice. Rosina is doing a giveaway of a book about hosting this week. My entry turned into its own blog post, which oddly enough has some similarities to your post today. Thoughts must go in waves across the country. I would love to drop in at your house some day. I'm sure you would be a delightful hostess.

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    1. I had no idea Rosina was posting about hospitality as well!
      Blessings and please come by someday!

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  2. I love this....my mom like yours had way too much company.because Dad was aN AUTHOR.she was always kind and gracious.but we would be seething about the meal we were ready to eat and complete strangers got it.We used to say when we have a home, It will be back in the sticks where no body can find us...i love to host relatives and people I know well.....such is life....

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    1. Oh dear! That would leave a child with a negative view of guests and hosting!

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  3. We hosted my mom's 85th birthday in May, and finally I didn't feel guilty at all about asking for a potluck. Way too much food arrived! It was great. I also finally am not guilt-ridden about hiring someone to clean sometimes (a dear friend who does housekeeping, anyway, so it helps her). My fibromyalgic body has thanked me.

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    1. Sorry about the fibromyalgia but so proud of you for doing a potluck AND getting help with cleaning.

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  4. I love having guests but I don't like when guests text me " hey I'm on your street now" and my house is a mess because I let housekeepingbgo for a week due to health issues. One tip I learned from the book Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt is to make a chalkboard sign with supplies you can get from a thrift store and write " Welcome _____(Fill in blank) it's a nice gesture. I agree that the bathrooms and the other rooms that will be seen should at least be presentable ( living room or room you are hosting guests). I don't think it needs to be spotless though.

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    1. I like the chalkboard idea and yeah, I don't shoot for spotless.

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  5. I'm the oldest of ten but married now and living a state a way with my husband and four little ones six and under... I often have groups of younger siblings announce last minute plans to come spend time with my family for a few days, which is truly a gift as I love having an open home. However, by the third last minute crew of siblings was making plans to head over for four days, I finally felt internally that I'd run out of steam. So, instead of telling them not to come, or hosting but with internal resentment, I told my family that I was eager to see them, and I'd text them a Costco list of things they could bring! They were delighted to know how to practically help (they're college aged and have jobs, but don't really yet know what it takes to host people) and I enjoyed the treat of having four days of Costco carrying the heavy lifting of cooking wise! :D Costco Rotisserie chickens, frozen lasagnas, ready to go kit salads and a cheesecake made this tired mama so happy, and I ended up having one of the best visits of the summer as I had time to actually focus on my guests rather than being in and out of the kitchen the whole time!

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    1. My story above wasn't very clear... The three groups of sibling visits was all over the span of a a few weeks, during which we also had quite a few other guests in and out which is why it felt so heavy! :)

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    2. I LOVE that you were up front and specific about what you needed! Why do we (I) feel like we have to be and do everything ourselves or it doesn't count??

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  6. That is a great list! We have always had an open door policy here and have had quite a lot of company over the 40 years we have been married. I have a list of dishes I do regularly too and it is such a help to not have to think too much about what to serve. I like to serve sloppy joes to a crowd since they can sit around in the crockpot for hours and do not require any toppings. I always have meat sauce in the freezer that can be quickly thawed and go over pasta. I freeze it in portions for two so I can just take out as many containers as needed and we can have a quick meal. I also do this French toast casserole for breakfast and everyone loves it. https://www.lecremedelacrumb.com/overnight-cinnamon-pecan-french-toast-casserole
    I cube up the ends of our homemade bread and keep it in the freezer in Ziplock and that is the base of this recipe. It is a very inexpensive dish and I just put out a bowl of powdered sugar to sprinkle on top. A skillet full of sausage patties completes the meal. A couple of years ago a friend came and stayed for 2 weeks to go to a doctor here and every morning she made her own breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen. I loved that.

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  7. #7... that is what I want to know, too.

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  8. I grew up with ny family hosting every other Sunday when it was "our church's" turn to hold services. It was a rigorous affair that took most of the week to get ready; lawn, gardens, cleaning every floor religiously, and finally, the food. It took me years after keaving that environment to be able to host without stressing about my unclean windows, spider webs and untrimmed corners of the lawn, since I consider cleaning a necessary evil, but not essential to living a fulfilled life. The stash and dash method is employed frequently here! In the same way, my food is steadily getting simpler. I can invite someone to my home last minute now and say it will be grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, with fruit and ice cream for dessert and they are usually delighted! One of our senior pastor's wives breathed a sigh of relief one Sunday night that her "Sunday of Terror" was over (hosting Sunday). I felt sorry for her.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Oh, I was also going to say that last September we were on to host after a particularly chaotic week. I put the word out that anyone who wishes may join us at a nearby park and bring some food and lawn chairs with them. There were nearly 40 people there and the kids ran and played on the playground as the adults chatted. It was a beautiful day and many people expressed their enjoyment of the day!

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  9. My mom passed on this tip that someone gave her... Do your cleaning before your last minute food prep. You can finish the food after your guests arrive, but not the cleaning.
    Maybe if we all practiced more of being judgement free guests (and not telling others of the hosts percieved failures) there would be less stress hosting.
    The happy and friendly host, regardless of her housing situation or cleanliness, are the times I enjoy and remember the most!

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  10. I appreciate your post and all the comments. It's like we're setting ourselves free from our own harsh self judgments. For years, when I hosted Thanksgiving for 30-ish family members, I only had to be concerned about the turkey. Everything else came in the front door. It was liberating for everyone - the picky eaters all had at least one thing they liked.

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  11. Janie Kaminski9/29/2018 8:37 AM

    My husband and I open our home often to guests for meals and also overnight guests. I prefer smaller groups - 6
    or less but he says, "the more the merrier!" I have learned, after raising 6 children (now grown and on their own), that when we invite guests for meals I say something like this: "We are hosting a potluck ________ (date and time) and would love for you to join us. (wait for response) What would you like to bring and share? I have never had anyone decline to help with a dish to share. I found this is much easier for me in preparation and they also feel a part in helping.
    Also, when we have overnight guests, I show them where things are in the kitchen incase they get hungry or thirsty during the night and give them "permission" to help themselves. I try to find out their morning routine of breakfast and offer to prepare something. (I'm an early riser) Many times they prefer coffee or tea and something simple like yogurt or a muffin.
    The main thing is to help make any guest feel "at home" and welcomed. It is God who said that we are to be hospitable. I Peterr 4:8-9 Who knows---we maybe entertaining angels! Hebrews 13:2

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  12. Looks like you have the magic !

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