UPDATE--We have chosen a winner: Betty Griffin, who commented on Facebook. Thanks to everyone who entered the drawing!
This post is a review of my friend Sharon Kuepfer's book. First, as usual, I had to share all the wider thoughts and memories the book generated. So scroll down to the second part to read about the book, and to the third part to see how to buy or win a copy.
THOUGHTS ON PARENTING STYLES
As a young mom, I found a wide
spectrum of parents’ views on children’s potential, from Deciders on one end to Discoverers on the other.
Deciders see
their children as “Tabula Rasa,” or blank slates, as the philosophers used to say. These parents plan
to make the child into the person he or she ought to become, not only a football
player, farmer, Fundamentalist, or fiddler, but a certain kind of personality as well. Deciders tend to follow systems and
methods, expecting specific and equal results with all their children. At their
worst, they are rigid and inflexible, pushing children into roles that simply
don’t fit.
Discoverers see
their children not as blank slates but as unique little people who come pre-programmed
with personalities, giftings, and natural bents that it is up to the parent to discover and encourage. They tailor their parenting and
guidance to each child’s talents, limits, and even preferences. They tend to be
looser about rules, workbooks, and what you wear to church, and at their worst
ignore terrible behavior and a need for routine.
Like I said,
it’s a spectrum. Most parents teach specific skills and behaviors; most find
that natural giftings manifest themselves early on. Many parents slide back and forth on the spectrum at different stages of parenting.
I’d say I
was somewhere in the middle, pushing too hard with the workbooks and chores in adolescence but
letting the kids explore and discover their own interests in other areas.
Mostly, I
recall the incredible sense of discovery when they were born. With each one, I
thought, “So that was YOU! I knew someone was in there, kicking and
squirming, but I didn’t know it was YOU!”
In the
ensuing days and years, that feeling of finding out who this little person is
only increased. Look at him, stacking blocks! Look at her, making up stories
with Little People for four hours straight! It pains me that I missed this
early discovery in Steven’s life, but I still recall his delight, at the
orphanage, when I had him mix blue and yellow paint and he yelled, “Iss GDEEN!!”
So I was finding out about him as he found out about colors.
Christian
parenting was system-heavy when our kids were little. Most people took specific
courses and followed certain teachers. The pressure was intense. Often, I felt
like we needed to go against the prevailing systems to work with our children’s
needs and bents, like we were Discoverers in a world of Deciders.
My impression
is that the methods of 1990 have faded away, but the pressure has only
intensified. From Gentle Parenting to Tiger Momming, the voices are more
insistent than ever. Discipline is always a big issue, as well as safety, nutrition,
and limits on electronic media. When I read some of the debates on social
media, it makes me relieved I’m not raising little ones right now.
A big issue,
both then and now, is education. The young moms I talk to make schooling
decisions with endless research and anguished second-guessing. Most of our
conversations have been about teaching children to read.
In that
area, for sure, I was a Discoverer. I found that if I read a lot to the
children, they were ready for phonics around ages six or seven. I used the ACE
Learning-to-Read curriculum because it was free to use from the school where
Paul taught, but we were flexible with it. Amy learned to read at age 4 from
watching me teach Matt. Jenny never needed the ACE course because she learned
to read from pointing at letters in books I read to her. Emily didn’t really
read until age 7 ½.
I’ve tried
to communicate this mixture of intention and observation, waiting and deciding,
to numerous moms, but I never felt too successful.
THE BOOK REVIEW
Happily, I
now have a book to hand to moms navigating not only teaching children to read but
educating them at every stage. My friend Sharon Kuepfer has published a new
book, 30 Days to Discover the Genius in Your Child. I wish I could have had it
in hand when I had young children, as it provides a unique, multi-angled way of
looking at how children learn and a balance of relaxed observation with
intention and structure. It’s not a guide to specific schedules and benchmarks,
but a way of looking at learning as an integrated part of life.
Sharon is the mother of five young adults and
definitely a Discoverer. I've known her for years and remember her as a quirky, relaxed mom who saw no
need to follow the fads of the day. When “groupings” of pictures and little
shelves and baskets were all the rage in home decorating, she kept her walls
almost bare because it simplified cleaning. Likewise, she didn’t follow
parenting fads if they didn’t suit her children’s needs. Apparently this was
more difficult than it appeared, as she writes about the pressure to get her
son up to grade level. “It felt like we were going against every grain there
was to go against!”
However,
Sharon is also a Decider in her own way, deliberate and intentional. She observes,
researches, reasons, decides, and then does. She calls her approach the SIFT
method—Sharon’s Interest Focused Teaching--describing it as “a powerful learning
style for any educational setting, in which children—or anyone really—can follow
their interests, giftings, and passions.”
30 Days is,
as the title indicates, a guide to learning about your children. Observation
and documentation are key methods, and Sharon tells you how, each day for a
month, without making it all huge or overwhelming.
The introductory
chapters address all the “But what about?” objections that pop into your head. She
does this thoroughly and well, then moves into the daily chapters. Each one
looks at an aspect of learning and life skills, along with many stories and
anecdotes. Each chapter includes assignments which involve an activity, such as
meeting with friends or playing music or introducing children to tools and devices
and jotting down how they react and respond.
The overall
theme is one of discovery, and the knowledge you gain from working through this
book will enhance whatever education method you choose, from public or private
school to homeschooling to unschooling to your own unique hybrid.
 |
| This shows you the book's readable style and cute illustrations. |
While she
discourages rigid curriculums and endless deskwork, Sharon recognizes the need
for children to learn academics. One of the first exercises involves writing
down long-term goals for children. She wanted hers to be able to pursue a
university education if they chose. That meant they needed skills in math,
reading, studying, writing, and so on.
Then, she shows
you how she met that goal without resorting to hours a day hunched over desks
in the dining room.
One of the
most satisfying aspects of this book is that it opens your eyes to all the ways
your children can learn academic and social skills. The book is liberally sprinkled
with real-life examples, so we see how her children and others learned math, planning,
organizing, cooperation, and much more from following their interests. They
baked cookies, played at setting up a “motel” in their house, pursued little
businesses, and a lot more. The magic of observing and writing it down is that
not only do you notice each child’s learning style, but you document how much
education is going on in the middle of playing and projects.
If you’re a
Discoverer who’s intimidated by lists and schedules, this book provides a
gentle and adaptable structure that is easy to follow and provides the rewards
of documenting what you’re already doing.
If you’re a
Decider who’s afraid anarchy will break loose if you let go of methods and
bookwork, this book will give you a month-long taste of Discovery learning without
insisting that you embrace every aspect of it for the rest of your life.
HOW TO GET THE BOOK:
1. Win it! I have a copy to give away,
so comment to enter the giveaway. You can comment here, on my personal and
author Facebook accounts, or on Instagram. “Me!” is sufficient, or comment with
something you discovered about your child. [I have comment moderation on the blog, so don't panic if your comment doesn't show up right away. Also include your name, please, so I can reach you if you win.]
DDrawing will be Thursday morning, November 3rd.
2. Order a copy. Here’s the link onAmazon, and here is Sharon’s website. Or you can get it from the publisher, Masthof Press.
Not only
will you see your children in a new light when you read this book, you’ll find
out a lot about yourself as well.
Quote of the Day:
Ben: How much
would I have to pay you to say "This book is
about discovering your kid’s genius in 30 days. With my kids, it took me about
five. Still a good book, though."?
Me: Name your
price.
Ben: The problem
is I don’t have much money. I need Matt’s funding behind me.
Me: I'm quoting you either way.
