Emily's Adventures

My Amish background was good in many ways but as I have mentioned before it left me with a sack of Shame that I carry around with me to this day. So, God with his incomprehensible sense of humor sent me my daughter Emily.

Sunday evening after church we were almost the last ones to leave. I went looking for the children, and out by the road I saw some activity that turned out to be Emily and her friend Stephanie Coblentz perched in their matching skirts (sky blue with monkeys in banana canoes) on top of the church sign, their dangling legs obscuring the message of the week (If you want to make something of your life, give it to God). Both girls were hooting and laughing as I drove up in the car. I thought, Oh no.

They hopped off the sign and came over to the car, "We were sitting up there singing songs and waving at people. A lot of church people went by and they waved and laughed, and Konrad even stopped and asked if he could have a milkshake and fries. And then these people from Brownsville would go by and they’d honk and smile and wave."

I thought, oh Lord have mercy, why is it always the minister’s children making a spectacle of themselves? The girls got in the car, still laughing.

Me: Emily, I have no pride left. None. Do you realize that when I was your age my entire life was framed by these parameters of Don’t show off, Don’t draw attention to yourself, and most of all What Will People Think?? And then God sent me you.
Emily: But Mom, we were up there greeting people, welcoming them to our church!
Me: Oh please.
Emily: Just be glad you have a child that’s broken the bonds of tradition!
Me: Oh please.
(Pause)
Emily: Um, Stephanie…my mom has a blog.
Stephanie: Oh No!
(Pause)
Stephanie: Actually, I like it when people write about me.
Emily: Actually, I do too.
(Later)
Me: Amy, did you hear what those girls were doing? (Knowing that this calm and reliable child will sympathize with me)
Amy: Emily, if you do it again, tell me ahead of time and I’ll join you.
Me: Oh forevermore. I give up. I just give UP.
The worst thing about this Amish baggage of mine is that it makes it so hard to discern if this kind of behavior is actually wrong or just embarrassing.


Quote of the Day:
"Well, then I guess I get the metatarsals."
--Ben, after Jenny announced that she’s having the heel of the fresh-baked loaf of bread