Book Review: Joey's Story

When we rode the school bus back in Minnesota, we picked up THAT family about two miles west of us.  A big blended family, they lived down a long lane, and the house had an air of hidden poverty.  Some of the children were clean, others were very dirty, with greasy hair and unbrushed teeth, and you got the sense that the kids were raising themselves and surviving a pretty high level of chaos and untold secrets.  Today, they never come to high school reunions, and don't show up on Facebook, and none of our classmates seem to know what happened to them.

I feel like I've just read their story.

And you know those little kids you pick up for vacation Bible school who live in the trailer house with the cars in the back yard and the broken steps, and who smell of smoke and punch the other kids?

This is their story too.

And then there's that girl who grew up Old Order Amish and then Beachy Amish, with a hot supper on the table every night and family devotions in the morning, but with hidden family chaos from mental illness and poverty and anger.

This is her story too, by which I mean mine of course.


I glibly agreed to review Joey's Story a long time ago, and then I was intimidated by its length (631 pages!) and put it off until I could do it Right, so it slipped into a to-read pile and for various reasons it never rose to the top of the pile.

My apologies for the long wait, Timo and Joanna, and thanks for your patience.  At least I learned to be more careful with agreeing to do book reviews.

But maybe the timing was just right, having been through some hard-won healing of my own in the meantime.

In summary, this book is the story of Joanna, known as Joey, who was born in Michigan into an unbelievably chaotic situation, with a sick, detached mom, lots of siblings, a well-meaning dad who simply didn't have the tools to keep his life and family functioning, a revolving door of aunts and half-siblings and--worst of all--men who boarded in the basement.

Eventually the children are taken elsewhere and have a series of foster homes before they are finally adopted into a family.

The family joins a Mennonite church, which is how Joey became a Mennonite and indirectly how the story came to be written by Ruth Ann Stelfox and published by Christian Light Publications.

That is the very short version of Joey's young life.  The long version involves almost impossible quantities of loss, grief, confusion, separation, abuse, neglect, and pain.

And yet, there is a thread of hope, of God's presence, of being called and drawn to a loving Father, of Jesus bringing healing, of redemption.

A few things that stood out to me:

1. The length was appropriate.  I expected to find it overly wordy, with unnecessary detail, but there was never anything I felt should have been omitted.  If Ruth Ann Stelfox would have told the story in a humdrum "Then this happened, then this person showed up, then they went to this other home," it would have been a lot shorter and less interesting. Instead, she creates a vivid scene with each step of the story.  You see the moldy towels on the floor or the clean curtains at the window.  You get to know the characters and hear the dialogue.

2. The author did an astonishing job of telling Joey's story without inserting herself into it or distracting us with her style.  It reads with the vividness and immediacy of a memoir, and the writing style loses itself in the story, so it was hard to separate the two.  The mark of a good biographer, I would say.

3. It's real but discreet.  I will be honest and say that I've come to expect a few annoying quirks from Mennonite publishers, such as stilted dialogue, "Would you like to come with us?" said Susan. "Oh, yes, I surely would!" exclaimed Julia.  And a subtle condemnation of worldly clothes and habits, even on children. I was happy to see that Joey's Story has remarkably realistic dialogue all the way through, even when people were fighting or drunk.  Cursing is referred to but not quoted, which came across as discreet rather than stilted.  Also, the little brother tugs at Joey's pants without any hints that she should have been wearing a dress instead.

The most notable example of the real-but-discreet was the handling of sexual abuse and acting out as a result.  As an adult, I saw clearly what was happening, but if I had read it at age 13, most of it would have flown right over my head.

4. Joey's courage and honesty in telling this story, and in letting it be told, are astonishing.  "Telling" is a large issue throughout the book, and any of us who have sinned, or been sinned against as children can understand the inner turmoil she went through before she finally finally TOLD.  Abuse changes how you see the world, and truth gets skewed, and things somehow become your fault, and the shame is suffocating, and sometimes there's no safe person around, and it is just extremely hard to TELL.  Yet, from the perspective of adulthood and knowing the infinite relief of having TOLD, we can hardly stand how long Joey waits.

Even then, some of us can't bring ourselves to tell the whole world.  There are hard things I finally shared with a few select people, and fewer things that I've shared with a group, and far fewer that I've shared in writing.  So the fact that she's this honest and detailed in a BOOK--I think it's amazingly courageous.

5. Joey's life story is so painful and so full of loss that at times I was in tears.  And yet, there was one way in which I envied her, and that was that she and her siblings always seemed FOR and not AGAINST each other, pulling together to survive.  During the dark period of our lives when I was about 8-12 years old--no particulars because I am not as brave as Joey--one of the saddest memories is of my siblings being against me and not for me, and the pain I inflicted on them.  Despite the occasional sticking up for someone else, we did not coalesce as a group.

That sibling support was one of several bright spots in Joey's childhood, and one of the encouraging aspects of the book is these glimpses of grace.  This kind person, that attempt by the dad to give them a good Christmas, Joey's phenomenal spunk and determination.

6. That a story like this can end joyfully is purely the grace of God.  The ending feels miraculous, and the redemption is deeply satisfying.  Best of all, you get the clear message that what is true for Joey is true for all of us, that we have value, no matter how broken we are.  That Jesus will forgive and heal us.  And that our pain can be turned into something beautiful to offer to others.

Go buy and read this book if you:
--had a rough childhood or want to understand people who did.
--want to know how to reach out to those people in the rundown trailer, either as an individual or a church.
--are wondering if you have a story worth sharing, and how to tell it.
--just want a good read.

And--a GIVEAWAY!
Joanna's husband, Timo, offered to sponsor a giveaway of two copies of Joey's Story.  To be included in the drawing, comment below with an example of grace and/or redemption in your own life.  And please include enough info that I can contact you if you win.

Quote of the Day, from the afterword:
"This book is not about my heroic triumph over a difficult past.  This book is about suffering that finds resolution in Christ Jesus, the Sacrificial Lamb who suffered that we might be set free."
--Joanna Miller a.k.a. "Joey"

Later: the giveaway signup is now over and the winners are Rhoda Hostetler and shortlyn@msn.com!!  Congratulations!