Monday, March 14, 2005


"Chivalry is dead," said my son. "If you pull out a chair for a girl, she thinks you’re interested in her."

"Chivalry is alive and well," I countered. "Men open doors for me all the time, and I never think they’re interested in me."

In fact, I was in town not long ago and everywhere I went, from Papa Murphy’s pizza to the grocery store to Dollar Tree, men—from baggy teenagers to 70-year-olds--were literally leaping to open doors for me. Was it my dress or the look on my face? I have no idea, but I loved it.

I like men to be gentlemen and women to be ladies, real men and real women, masculine and feminine. We are not an accident of an X or Y chromosome falling into place at the right moment. We are created male or female for a specific and wonderful purpose that we all ought to embrace and celebrate.

Having said that, the background clamor begins—what about people who don’t fit the mold and gender confusion and the Harvard guy’s comments and feminism and sexism and people who have XYY chromosomes?

I don’t know.

And, another valid question: How does one define masculinity and femininity?

I don’t know that either, but I know it when I see it.

I want the men in my life to be the sort that open doors and tip hats and pull out chairs, and I want to be the sort of woman for whom men leap to do it.

Quote of the Day--
"I think we should have a new rule: Whoever makes the rules shouldn't have to follow the rules."
--Jenny, who had two days before said we need a New Family Rule like her friend Dawnisha's family, where you put the old toys or project away before you get out the new ones


  1. I love to open doors for ladies. It was trained into me by my father's and grandfather's example, and being from the South of course! I'll never forget the story about the gentleman that open a door for a lady that was of the 'feminist set' who asked him if he opened the door for her because she was a 'lady'? He responded, no, but he did it because he considered himself a gentleman. Men take heed!

  2. Japheth Stauffer3/15/2005 3:55 AM

    There will always be the unanswered questions in life but consider this, if we as men took our God-given role seriously as protector and nurturer,(word?) our ladies may take a whole new view of our gentlemanly actions. My father also taught me how to love my wife and treat her as a lady, not so much by word as by example and my wife today is reaping the benefits of that. Few things make me feel like a man more than to be able to share my kindness, strength, or just common courtesies with a lady and know that I have in a small way, reflected the loving care of her Heavenly Father for her. God bless you ladies who make it a joy for us to be Godly men! *THOUGHT* Is there so much difference between a Godly man and a gentleman?

  3. No, chivalry is not dead. I have seen it, not in large, but rather in fleeting glances, making me realize that it is yet in existence!

    I have seen it in the 18 year old kid who escorted my sister to get her car on a very icy night after a concert, and then proceded to clean her windshield for her. I have seen it in the man who picked up his step so that he could reach a door before I did to open it. I have seen it in the waiter who pulled out my chair to seat me. I have seen it in the man who offers his hand as I step out of my vehicle onto the icy pavement, not because I couldn't have made it alone, but because he honored me as a lady. I have seen it in the man who rushed over as I exited church in high heels to escort me over the ice. I have seen it in the man who carried my bags out of WalMart.

    Yes, I have seen it. It does exist. And I love every minute of it!


  4. Chivalry is alive and well. I still open the car door (and other doors) for my wife after 3 1/2 years of marriage. And I see no reason to quit. So I won't.

  5. Thanks for the encouragement to keep being courteous. I do not wish to appear forward, but still think it right to treat a woman with respect.