Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Grammar Gone Wrong

Today we will learn about commas in a list or series.

You learned this in the fourth grade: word-comma-word-comma-and-word.

The flag is red, white, and blue.

Phil, Marcus, and Fred are my brothers.

Today I did laundry, talked on Skype, and washed the dishes.

We note that the series should be a series of similar items.  All colors, or all guys' names, or all verbs.

This is called "maintaining parallel structure."



Maybe this illustrates what I'm saying: (Found here)

Maintain parallel structure with items in a series.

Items in a series should have parallel structure. You maintain parallel structure when you use equal grammatical units. If the first item is a noun, then the following items must also be nouns; if the first item is a subordinate clause, then so must the other items be.
Nonparallel structure looks like this:
Harry spent his afternoon Glub. , Glub. , and Neigh..
Harry spent his afternoon playing tennis, returning overdue library books, and then he ate a mushroom and pineapple pizza.
Parallel structure, the correct way to list items in a series, looks like this:
Harry spent his afternoon Glub. , Glub. , and Glub..
Harry spent his afternoon Neigh. , Neigh. , and Neigh..
Harry spent his afternoon playing tennis, returning overdue library books, and eating a mushroom and pineapple pizza.
This afternoon, Harry played tennis, returned overdue library books, and ate a mushroom and pineapple pizza.

There is this terrible habit spreading over our great land to start off a series and to do ok with items one and two, but item three goes slithering into the blackberry bushes in a different form altogether.

It drives me crazy.

I started tearing out bad examples from newspapers and magazines and copying them from websites, and in a very short time found these:

From JCPenney:
"We're offering free sitting fees, a free 8x10, and we'll also email you a digital copy."

From the Eugene Mission newsletter:
"'I love it here at the Mission.  There is acceptance, no judgment, and I've made a lot of friends.'"

From Bloomberg Business Week:
" Obama: 'I've now dealt with a lot of world leaders, and I think that Chancellor Merkel is smart, practical, and I trust her when she says something.'"

 From a Best Buy ad:
"Meet Fitbit Zip.  Tracks steps, distance, calories burned and uploads wirelessly to your free Fitbit.com account via Bluetooth 4.0/Smart Ready devices."

From a ShopKo eyecare center ad:
"See more clearly, sharper, and vividly than ever before!"
[this one almost works, but the more you read it, the worse it gets]

 From a quilting website:

"We make quilts, wall-hangings, crib quilts & specialize in repairs, as well as finish the quilt top that you have started." 

from Lifescript.com:
"You’re educated, well-read and are the go-to person for solving your family’s and friend’s problems."

 From Freshstitches.com:
"Crocheters already know how to tension the yarn, hold things in their hands, and all they really need to learn (in order to knit) is how to pass a stitch from one needle to another."

from Nbcnews.com(about the teen arrested in killing of Jessica Ridgway)

 "A former classmate, Austin Caisse, 17, described the suspect as “brilliant,” and told the Post he was into Japanese culture, anime, and shared an interest in collecting knives."

 I rest my case.

But I can't resist a few more samples of other bad stuff I found.

In a story about moving to Canada if your candidate loses:
"So, as we watch the election results with baited breath, hopefully none of this information will even be necessary."

[baited=earthworm on a hook; bated=restrained]

From an author's website: (yes, an author's)
"Denise is a mother to 3 incredible boys, one GIRL dog, and a wife."

And last but certainly not least, this from a facebook conversation about a home remedy:
"That has helped purge me of a blood clot and my mother in law."


14 comments:

  1. Ah, yes! You've hit on one of my many grammatical pet peeves! I proofread everything without even thinking about what I'm doing. Church bulletins, wedding programs, and mission newsletters make me cringe regularly. Sadly, this age of texting and IMing is only making things worse.
    Your last two examples are hilarious!

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  2. Ah, yes! You've hit on one of my many grammatical pet peeves! I proofread everything without even thinking about what I'm doing. Church bulletins, wedding programs, and mission newsletters make me cringe regularly. Sadly, this age of texting and IMing is only making things worse.
    Your last two examples are hilarious!

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  3. Karen Layman11/15/2012 6:48 AM

    ....and this is why I don't use commas.....I just put these ...... between everything.....and have these huge run on sentences....and tell myself it is okay since I am using all these dot dot dots. HOOT

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  4. oh, this is just so awesome! plus, i needed these reminders.
    and please forgive my fast-hand, all lower case messages. :)
    jenny

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  5. One song that gets me every time is "How Beautiful"...a nice song, but when it gets to "How beautiful the hands that served the wine and the bread and the sons of the earth", I start thinking about cannibalism, not Jesus' deep humility in serving those who by rights should serve him.

    A humorous example of the serial comma gone wrong in its absence is here: “Among those interviewed were his two ex-wives, Kris Kristofferson and Robert Duvall.” Um...

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  6. And, yes, I do consciously put punctuation that's external to a quote outside the quotation marks, where it belongs. :-)

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  7. I laugh, wince, and edit mentally as I read this. Thanks for the laugh! And Karen, I'll never look at ........ the same again! :)

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  8. "with baited breath" always has me picturing someone with a mouthful of something very smelly!
    Grammatical errors are one of my pet peeves. Especially when made by professionals, or someone with a college education (which I do not have)!

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  10. I am not good at grammar or punctuation. My university English professor would send my papers back numerous times. I would add commas, and then get it back again to add more commas. As you can tell, from my comment, I still don't know where to place commas! It is basically, a lot of guess work for me. Hopefully, sometimes I get it right! ~merle

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  11. I was just talking about commas with my kids...."Let's eat, Grandma" or "Let's eat Grandma"....big difference!

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  12. "Eats, shoots, and leaves" is another good one and I like...too. I don't catch punctuation but the misuse of words 'greats' on my nerves.

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  13. Hahaha the last two were my favorites!

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  14. interesting and all too common

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