Labors and Rest

There are two kinds of Mennonite housewives. Those who can't rest if there's any work to be done, and those who can. There are way more of the former than the latter.

I thought of this again yesterday when my friend Gina and I made and served a hot lunch at school. We hauled in loads of stuff through the rain and pulled hot pans out of ovens and hunted for more napkins and dished up food. Then the forty-some kids and teachers came into the fellowship hall in a noisy stream and filled their plates and sat at the tables the high school guys had set up.

Meanwhile, as I am wont to do, I got hungrier and hungrier. But of course we couldn't eat until the kids were all served. And also of course, I as a responsible Mennonite woman couldn't sit and eat until Gina did. Which finally happened and I happily dug into the potato and ham hot dish she had brought which was exactly what I needed.

The kids had pretty much cleared out by then, so I suggested I make coffee and then we sit down and have dessert later. So we started cleaning and I got the coffee brewing. Soon the coffee was ready and I was too, salivating at the cinnamon rolls and wafting coffee scents. But Gina wanted to rinse off these dishes yet, and run this load through, and dish up these leftovers for Justin, and . . . Meanwhile I wiped off the tables and washed cookie sheets and cleared counters and craved some sugar and caffeine.

Finally I told her that I am just going to make her sit down and have coffee, I really am. And I did. And we had a nice little chat about motherly things that my children would have a conniption if they knew the details of.

Regina also told me that she hates this about herself, that she cannot sit and rest when there's any work to be done. She wishes she were different, but there it is, and she'll come home from her job cleaning someone's house and she really should go to bed but instead she does the dishes or laundry. Which is not a good strategy for someone who suffers from fatigue and various ongoing health issues.

And then we cleaned the coffeepot and did the last few things and went home.

I wish Gina and I could average out a bit, because I find it way too easy to ignore things that need to be done. I wish they bothered me more.

I've learned to grow up and do stuff like work on the laundry every day and do the dishes right after supper. But in one area I protect my rest-and-leave-the-work instincts, and I wish the rest of the world would come along.

I always try to make a nice Sunday dinner, and I like to brew a pot of tea, or sometimes if we have guests I make coffee, and at the end of the meal I like to linger over tea and dessert. You know, just sit and sip and talk with guests or maybe read the opinion page if it's just our family and they've all left the table. I find it very irritating to have my tea grow cold while I clean up.

My family indulges me in this, except for Amy who makes a little irritated comment once in a while about just getting it DONE, but other women don't get this at all. Older ones, especially. They leap up from the table as soon as the last person's last bite of cake is in his mouth, and then they're speeding around the kitchen with piles of china, asking me half a dozen questions at once about does this go in the dishwasher and which side of the sink do I wash in and do I have a container for the ham. I've tried to plead with them to please just sit and visit for a bit, thinking, while I recover from the mental aerobics of putting such a meal on and while I sip my tea while it's still hot, please please. But there is no stopping older Mennonite women, no there is not, especially ministers' wives. The notion of lingering is as foreign to them as having their hair done.

But, like I said, my family indulges me, bless them, leaving the Sunday comics to return to the kitchen when I'm done sipping.

Some years ago a young depressed pregnant woman called me up and asked if she could come talk with me. Of course. So she came and we sat at the table and I assured her that she will not be sick forever and someday she will feel like herself again, really she will.

Later I heard that she had raved to her friends about how nice I was, to leave all my work and the dirty dishes in the sink to take the time to listen to her.

Well, that was sweet of her but believe me it did not take any sacrifice on my part to leave those dirty dishes and sit down and talk. And drink tea.

Quote of the Day:
[After our trip to the South, during which it got unseasonably cold in Georgia and Florida]
Paul: It says here that that cold wet weather affected the tomato crops in Florida.
Ben: I'm fine with that as long as the ketchup productions aren't affected.