Saturday, September 17, 2005


This is a strange sort of grief, a nostalgic sadness mixed with a bit of survivor's guilt and a lot of pain for Cynthia's family. Cynthia was more a part of my past than my present, and I can't imagine how it is for Jonathan and their children, especially that 13-year-old daughter, to face the future without her.

Our friend Marilyn was buried on her 40th birthday; Cynthia will be buried on her 43rd. I try not to wallow in questions of why, of the three of us, I'm the one that's still here, peeling peaches and doing laundry and all the other mom stuff. But the question still niggles at the back of my mind.

Tonight is the viewing; tomorrow is the funeral.

Quote of the Day:
"May you hold close to your heart the memories you are making. Set them on the shelves for dusting off and beholding when your family is grown."
--Cynthia, in an email before we left for Africa


  1. My uncle died several years ago, he was a diabetic and was only in his 40's. There is another fellow from church that has this same disease, if that is what it is. I was told he also struggled some with why he has been left and Howard is gone. God does have plan but I think we spend most of our time not knowing what it is and wondering if he really does care.
    At least I do......

  2. I can relate to this in a real way. With one significant differnece, I am a cancer survivor of 17 years. In these 17 years, I have lost 2 close friends to the ravages of cancer (although a different kind than I had), plus all the group of 10 that were together as a support group when I started my journey with cancer. I feel anger, then guilt and the questions remain, "Why God?" A mother of the one friend told me she struggles with resentment, asking God why He spared "suzy" but not her daughter.
    I loved the quote from your friend, she sounded like a special person.

    suzy q

  3. I bet the mothers comment was a real help as you struggled with your feelings. I wonder what causes those feelings, any ideas?

  4. Dorcas, until we pass through that shadow filled valley into the light of eternal day we will not truly understand "why."

    God is good and loves us, and I know it sounds trite, but in death the Christian is healed totally from all sicknesses and hurts.

    Precious in the sight of God is the death of His saints. May He comfort Cynthia's family in her absence and also be with you and her many other friends and relations.